Daily Affirmations
by staceleo
Summary: Bella was starting a new life, but was still filled with nagging doubts after her divorce. Can she continue on the path of self worth when Edward returns? Small unbetaed chapters. Some angst, some humor and a good dash of romance.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Here's a Drabble fic for you all! The rest of my stories are in various writing stages, so I will keep you updated for those reading the other stories. This is just my attempt at a bit of angst, that is stuck in my head and fighting to get out. Well...angst and humor/romance. I seriously cannot stop make jokes. It's like asking a fish not to swim and bird not to fly. I just can't be completely serious. **

**I will try for several little updates a day. (as long as that crazy dog cooperates.)**

**Please forgive my mistakes. No BETA. :0( **

**This is dedicated to the awesome TJE, author of The Trip. Read it now! It's fantastic and on my favorite stories on my profile.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, but wish I did. **

Chapter One: Affirmation

"I'm good enough, I'm...ahh...smart enough and by golly people like me."

Just call me Stuart Smiley. I think I got the quote right. That's some old school SNL right there. You would think that by now, I would have figured out the quote correctly. We used to have the greatest episodes DVD's. Of course, he took those with him. Couldn't he at least leave The Best of Will Ferrell? That isn't the point. The point is every morning; here I stand, staring into a mirror and channel the honorable Senator from Minnesota. Actually, he might be a Representative from Wisconsin. I'm not quite sure. I really should follow politics more.

Not the point. The point is that while I stand here every morning with my hair twisted into a bird's nest, my gigantic glasses perched on my nose, wearing his oversized REM tee shirt I found balled up in the laundry after he left, I stand and try to make myself feel better. All the while with a pink toothbrush stuck in the side of my mouth with spittle of Aquafresh flying all over the mirror. Which makes it all his fault, that I now need to scrub down my spit covered bathroom. That and the fact I am actually trying to talk myself into having a good day.

What an asshole. With him being the asshole and not me. I take that back, due to me being the idiot yammering to my reflection in the bathroom. I'm an asshole, too. I have officially gone nutty. In fact, I promised myself that I would not to become one of those women. The kind that wail and drink cheap box wine over my man leaving me while listening to Patsy Cline. You would think after a year, I would be over Edward Cullen. Yet here I am, giving myself a pep talk by way of old Saturday Night Live skits and trying not to play my Tori Amos Sad Chick playlist. I'm just as bad.

I need coffee.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Here's another! Let me know if you like it. Working on Ugly Duckling Bakery and researching In Bold Print. They will be up soon! **

**This is a short one.**

Chapter 2: Pickles

That damn dog is nipping my leg. Here I stand outside the house that I shared with Edward, clutching a travel mug of precious caffeinated elixir and having my pants being destroyed by my little demon hound. My days are filled with being attacked by needle puppy teeth, cleaning up piles of poop and having her peeing on my new shoes. Sure, I got them on the sale rack at Target, but those sneakers were ten bucks. You don't pee on a bargain.

My dad thought getting a dog would be the perfect antidote for my loneliness. A dog, in his humble opinion, is a true friend. So when I laid on my couch in a fetal position watching a hokey Anne Hathaway movie after signing those divorce papers, my dear dad pulled me up and dragged me to the local pound. I was immediately smitten by a shivering and wiggling puppy. A black Labrador mix, she looked at me with her big, brown eyes and drew me in with this realization. Edward hates dogs. I had to get her out of some twisted spite and name her Pickles. Edward hates pickles.

Soon as we got back to the house she ate my favorite pillow and pooped on a white rug. Maybe I wasn't a dog person.

I pulled Pickles into the house and towards her crate; the cat immediately hissed at us and scratched the couch leaving a large rip down the side. The cat was Edward's. His new lady was allergic, so I got the vicious parting gift. He scratched the furniture and, along with the dog, leaves presents of excrement throughout the house. Along, with his overpriced kitty food, Hemingway was a costly bother. Hemingway was a costly bother with a pretentious name that was, of course, chosen by Edward. I think 'pretentious' was Edward's original middle name. I don't think I'm a cat person either.

I looked quickly at my watch and walked quickly towards my shoes when I felt something squishy under my toes. My life is poop.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Time to meet the staff. I hope you enjoy and leave happy reviews. I need them today.**

**Also the last chapter was dedicated to our family's new puppy and very cranky cat.**

Chapter 3: As The Page Turns

I quickly walk up to my store, As The Page Turns hoping to salvage my day. It had to get better, right? I frowned slightly as I observed the sign. When I named the store, I thought it was a cute, little name. That was until I realized that, once again, it had something due to him. As The World Turn was Edward's favorite soap in college. Not that he would admit it. We would curl up, Edward's arms surrounding me as he placed soft kisses on my hair as he watched and I feel asleep. I'm a General Hospital girl. Liz and Lucky. Liz and Jason. Liz and anybody. I'm not picky. Maybe, that was start of the demise of our relationship. A CBS soap watcher cannot co-exist with an ABC soap watcher. It just can't be done.

Jacob Black stands outside waiting for me. He pushes up his thick, black framed glasses up his nose and gave a shy, smile. "How are you today, Bella?"

"I'm just dandy, Jake. Why are you hanging outside? Jess opened up already."

"Oh, right. I...I...just wanted to walk in with you. Plus, it really is a lovely day. I am enjoying the warm temperatures. I'm going to load up a new accounting program in your server. It should..." At this point, I tune out Jake and all his computer talk. He loaded something new onto the computer every morning, I believed just so he could spend time with all of us at the store. He was like a puppy that followed us around. As long as he didn't pee on anybody's leg, then we were good.

The poor guy was lonely. I could see it his eyes, because I saw that same look in the mirror this morning. I've known him since childhood, our fathers being longtime friends. He was struggling with so many things and it broke my heart that his father and childhood friends turned their backs on him for making his own choices. They could have forgiven him going to college for computer science and not following the path of his neighbors in the lumberyard, but they would never accept his homosexual lifestyle.

We entered the store, chatting quietly when a loud and chipper voice rang out, "Hey you two, grumpy gooses! Why the long faces? You need more coffee...and pastries!"

Jessica Stanley was a morning person. She was the first one in every morning with a bright smile on her face and was a perfect fit when I was staffing the cafe at the bookstore, she was the perfect fit.

We weren't friends in high school. Not even close. She was a cheerleader and I was a bookworm. She was obsessed with Edward making moves on him and I wanted to beat her head in with a baseball bat. Yet something miraculous happened, we grew up. Jessica Stanley had a heart that finally was allowed to shine. Edward left and I was in the first phase of my epic depression, Jessica took upon herself to lift me up.

_Before I had Alice, but with her gone the way of her brother I felt truly alone. I wandered a lot around town. I was one step away from resembling an extra from The Walking Dead. I was heading down Main Street, when Jessica came upon me. Instead of moving past me with a snide remark, she wrapped her arms around me and suffocating me with her auburn curls. "You aren't doing well. My mother told me what happened. She's a horrible gossip. The good thing is I'm here to help."_

_"I'm fine," I muttered trying to push her off. Jessica Stanley must be on drugs. Or at the very least she's a delusional weirdo. _

_"No you're not, Bella. You look like someone kicked your puppy."_

_"That was me and it wasn't technically a kick. It was more of a push off of my leg. In self-defense, Pickles was chewing my ankle with her evil, needle teeth. I swear that dog is a vampire."_

_Jessica smirked a little at me and said, "Well, you still have a glimmer of humor. That's a start. Now the hard part needs to happen. What do you want, Isabella Swan? Not what Edward Jerkoff wanted, because you lived under that shadow long enough. What do you want?"_

_I felt myself warming to the nutcase before me, while wondering if she took taking Freshman Psychology way to seriously._

That was the day my professional life turned around. I still was filled with personal doubt, but Jessica led me to fulfilling an unrealized dream. I had lost my drive to finish my Master's in Library studies. Edward had wanted a wife, not a school librarian as a partner, so I had quit. Even though the thought of more school was unappetizing, I still loved books. That's why the idea of opening a bookstore and cafe in Forks was so very appealing. Jessica was an amazing help. We made a great team. I would temper her wild ideas and she made more fearless with trying to realize me dreams. Our friendship made the dark clouds that hung over my days much lighter.

"I'm fine, Jess," Jacob lied, obviously. "I had a run in with Paul last night at the video store. He was being a bully again. I took care of it."

"You didn't. I know you probably just took his harassment. You are worth a million of that creep, Jake! I will kick him in the balls for you." Jessica slapped the counter to emphasize her point and I nodded in agreement.

"Thank you, ladies. I will sic the two of you on him next time." Jacob smiled sadly, before taking a sip of his coffee.

"I think we shall extend the courtesy to Bella. Right, Jake?" Jessica pointed to me. "Edward Cullen better never walk through that door. I have decided on quite a few gruesome paybacks for him to defend your honor."

"Me too," Jacob agreed.

I shook my head at them. "Thank you, but I can handle my husband...ex-husband. Let's not talk of unpleasant things and people. Instead, let's get this day started."

"Well you better switch the sign in the window," Jessica said with a grin.

"I wasn't paying attention. Which sign has an issue? Did we not get that shipment of Hunger Games? Now that book should give you some gruesome ideas, Jess. We have to pull the poster until they come in," I announced in my best boss voice.

Jessica shrugged. "The books are in. That's not the problem. Angela took out your Obama at closing."

"Tell me she didn't..."

Jacob looked up from his pastry and started shaking his head in frustration.

"Oh, Angela did. She put her Santorum into window contention, "Jessica laughed.

Angela!


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: I have friends of every political/religious affiliation. I just find the idea of Bella and Angela on opposite sides funny. No offense to anyone on either side of the political (or religious) aisle. **

**Please enjoy and review!**

Chapter 4: The Politics of Curse Jars

Don't get me wrong, I love Angela Webber Cheney like a sister. We have been friends since we were young and I would take a bullet for her, but if she touches my Obama sign one more time, I will lock her in the back room and make her listen to Queen. Some very loud Bohemian Rhapsody should get her to back off. And the last time I checked I was the boss, not Mrs. Cheney Webber.

I stomped over to my hidden stash of Obama/Biden 2012 campaign posters, grabbing one in annoyance. It was fine that we had different political affiliations. I had no problem with her being the president of the Forks Tea Party. At least, not too big a problem, as long as she kept her big mouth shut about it. I did have an issue with her giving Jacob pamphlets about camps to change his sexual preferences. He had enough problems with people in his family doing that, he didn't need his safe place to be ruined. But luckily, Angela changed her tune after she made him cry and I threatened to fire her and terminate our friendship. From then on it was little things, subversive changes at the store. Things like the signs and the curse jar that now sits on my counter.

I tried to get rid of that cursed curse jar, but she kept putting it back. The proceeds of the jar of which she gave to the local homeless shelter, was a positive thing. Also, as Angela pointed out, we do have children who come in and have innocent ears that must be protected. That was also very true. The only problem was that after the divorce I swore like a drunken sailor. The quiet Bella Swan that Angela grew up with had disintegrated into an angry, foul mouthed harpy. A broken heart will do that to a girl. I was so used to sticking a dollar in the jar that I would do it even if I swore in my head. That shit was messed up.

"Bella, why are you sticking a dollar in the jar?" Jessica asked in confusion.

"I cursed in my head."

"That makes no sense," Jessica scoffed.

I answered, "I know, but some days I feel like I drink too much of Angela's crazy."

"That a scary thought you just had, Bella. Please don't do that. Angela does have a good, but judgmental heart. I have half the mind to take her to the Rainbow Room with me Saturday night," Jacob said with a grin. "Maybe, if she meets enough nice gay men like me, she'll loosen up a bit."

"That's a very bad idea, Jake. She'll start praying, loudly over everyone and singing bible hymns over the Lady GaGa. The owners will kick you both out and you'll miss out on the man of your dreams."

"I guess you're right, Bella. This might be my week to meet Prince Charming and not Mr. One Night Stand. Talking about men..." Jake began.

Jessica started grinning wildly. "That's right, it's Tuesday! Is a certain Texan joining us this fine day in search of art books he knows we don't stock?"

"I have no idea what you are referring to," I said frowning as the bell chimed on the door.

As if that diabolical duo had the sixth sense, a blond, curly haired and attractive man strolled in holding a daisy. He drawled, "A pretty flower for a pretty lady."


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: I apologize for the daily! Life has been…busy. I need a nap…and some reviews. :0)**

**More to come…**

Chapter 5: They Make Them Bigger In Texas

My ex brother-in-law, Jasper Whitlock, is a charmer. Actually, I think it would be more appropriate to say ex-ex brother-in-law, because when Edward left, Alice was quick to follow. It must be a twin thing, like making up special languages and dressing in clothing that are alike. Edward used to wear identical dresses to Alice when they were young. Frilly, lacy things that made it hard to distinguish between the siblings. I've seen pictures and they were hilarious. I think scientists should look into this occurrence, ruining marriages as a twin bonding experience.

"Where did you steal the flower, Cowboy? Mrs. Cope notices when things disappear from her window box. She yelled at a little boy yesterday for touching a petal. The poor thing cried," I said to the smiling man before me.

"Aww, Sugar, she has nothing but love for me. Last time I was in there buying a knick knack for my ma, she gave me a lollipop. She must find me sweet." He gave me a wink, which might have made my knees give out just a little. Not that I will be admitting that out loud anytime soon. "Hey, Miss Jessica, a herbal peppermint tea for a thirsty traveler?"

Jessica laughingly replied, "You walked one block, Lazy."

Jasper just shrugged with that trademark grin that could make people do his whim. Which was one reason; my dear Ex Ex was such a profitable artist. While the canvas size he worked with was huge and the colors were a jumble of swirls and streaks, he was able to sell them to anyone with a look from those pretty, blue eyes. Somehow, one moment with him would not open a customer's pocketbook, but also their soul. It made it so hard for me to deal with the buried emotions he drew out, but at the same time almost crave the way he made me feel.

"Having herbal tea this morning? When will you be over that phase?" I asked Jasper, after taking a swig of my caffeinated goodness in front of me.

"It clears my head, Sugar. You should try it! Want a sip?" He held out the cup trying to place it near my lips, which in turn drew my eyes to his lips. That led me to think about throwing that stinky cup of brewed nastiness across the room, so our lips wouldn't have an obstacle between them. Argh! What is wrong with me!

I pushed the cup away and stepped away quickly. "Get that mess away from me! Are you hanging out all morning?"

"That depends. Are they still coming at lunch time?"

"Yes, eleven thirty on the dot this week. Papa Idiot must have a different shift this week," I answered.

"I'll be gone by then. How about I take that nippy, little bitch out for you at lunchtime? I seem to have a way with that type." He was a pretty, blond hair angel.

"Didn't seem that way with you ex-wife," I said with a smirk.

He reached over and ruffled my hair. "Good thing you're cute, Smart Ass. Did you remember to take her bed out of the crate?"

"Shit. No! I forgot!" I exclaimed. Pickles likes eating her dog beds.

"Guess I have a fluffy mess to clean up, too." He grimaced. "Did you get in that new Klimt biography?"

"Of course not, silly man. Should I order it?"

"Maybe, I need to think about it. I'll just wander around. I'll be back for a muffin in a bit." Jasper turned towards the arts section. I watched his very nice backside walk to the shelves, my eyes taking in the sight. His bottom fitting so nice in those Levi's...

"Gotcha!" Jessica exclaimed behind me.


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: FF has been crazy lately! Hopefully, it's working now!**

**I had a question from the awesome TJE if this was a Bella/Jasper story. Well…I'm not telling! That's to be seen. Edward is coming soon!**

**Feel free to review! I would love to see if I should continue writing it. Thanks for reading!**

Chapter 6: Mold is Considered a Color, Right?

"What is your problem, Stanley?" She was really getting on my last nerve this morning.

Jessica smiled with glee. "You love him!"

I punched the crazy woman in the arm. I snarled, "Keep your voice down! He's my friend. Of course, I like him. Talking about love is going way too far."

"You were checking out his fine ass, Girly. Right, Jake?"

Damn it, she's loud. I think Jessica has only two volumes: loud and bullhorn.

"Yep. She was ogling. I would agree about his behind. You could bounce a quarter off that thing," Jake agreed, while staring at the behind in question.

"You two are disgusting. He's my friend, hombre, buddy, pal...a brother!" I yelled.

Jasper's head jerked up and he gave me a quizzical look. I just gave smiled and pointed to Jessica and rolled my eyes.

Jake said with a smirk, "You know, Bella, denial isn't only a river in Egypt."

"You know, Jacob, what happens when you assume? It makes an ass out of you and me," I returned with a glare.

"Bella, I think what our dear friend, Jake is referring to that you need to own you attraction to the pretty, blue eyed boy and stop obsessing over emerald ones," Jessica said as she hit me on the head with the dish towel she was holding.

Unfortunately, that was the exact problem. Anytime, I even approached the idea of trying to pursue at least a date, Edward's stupid eyes...his stupid face...his stupid everything would infest my brain, like evil ringworms. I would feel guilty for wanting to move on and feel normal. Why would Jessica mention his stupid eyes anyway? I don't need a verbal reminder. Plus, using the word emerald to describe Edward's eyes? Ridiculous.

"Emerald, Jess? Let's not make them sound better than they are. I bet his ego can hear that from across the country and is swelling to epic proportions as we speak. If you can't say green like a normal person, you can say they are glistening orbs of mold or, even better, mucus."

"That's just gross, Bella. Not to mention, mucus can be yellow and the varied types of mold can be the spectrum of the rainbow," Jessica disagreed.

Of course, she was going to ruin my fantastic and revolting Edward eye description. What he said to me destroyed every ounce of my self respect for months. If I wanted to find disgusting ways to describe his anatomy, I should be able to without the peanut gallery trying to mess with my creativity.

The phone rang, quickly distracting me from all thoughts of my ex-husband. I looked up as I picked up the receiver to see the bottomless blue sky that resided on Jasper's face. There was not one negative description I could think for blue. That was a fact.


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: I'll try to get another one out today…**

Chapter 7: I Wonder If They Used a Bedazzler To Make Sparkly Vampires

"Hello, this is As The Page Turns. How can I..."

"Hey, Kiddo. How's your day?" Chief Charles Swan, unofficial best dad in the world.

"Not too bad. Why are you calling? Aren't you coming in for lunch?" My dad came in everyday for lunch. Jessica made him peanut butter and jelly. We didn't even have peanut butter and jelly on the menu. Spoiled, old man.

"Yeah...yeah...what time are those assholes coming?" My father asked. This was bad. My father had ticketed and towed the offending party several times, but they kept coming.

"Dad..."

He snorted, "I'm not doing anything. I'm just going to clean my guns, while eating a delicious PB and J."

"Dad! You can't do that in my store! It will scare the customers. Isn't that illegal?" I yelled into the phone.

"Who's going to stop me? I'm the Chief of Police. I'm only aiming to scare two of them."

"Dad..."

"We'll discuss it when I get there," he stated. "Ohh...have you talked to your mother?"

"Why can't we discuss your ex-wife when you get here?" I questioned nervously.

"I don't want you to pelt me with heavy books," he answered. "So... You talk to the crazy woman?"

"She sent me a bedazzled unicorn sweatshirt. It is sparkly pink and the essence of horrible."

"Ahh...she sent me a tee shirt with a glitter gun on it," my father said in disgust. My mother was obsessed with being 'friends' with my poor dad. "Don't you hate unicorns?"

"Yes, because I am no longer eight."

"That makes sense. Girls your age like sparkle vampires," Dad stated with authority.

"Vampires shouldn't sparkle!" I exclaimed. Seriously, who does that? It makes no sense. How is that even a tad bit scary? It's like running away from a disco ball. "Why are we discussing vampires and my random mother?"

"Right...umm...she's coming to visit."

No!


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: I am so sorry! Life has been so busy, it has been ridiculous! Finally I have a new chapter of this crazy story.**

**There are a couple quick notes about this story to remember. First, it's a Bella story. She might or might not end up with Edward. It's going to be a surprise, because I like my romances with twists and turns. Second, Edward is up soon. Very soon. I like my Edwards to redeem themselves, so you might want to kick him in the head at the beginning of this story. (Just like in the Ugly Duckling Bakery. Which I will be updating at the beginning of this week! Promise! I suggest if you haven't read that one check it out.) Finally, I love humor, so there will be angst, but a lot of silly. Just like my real life.**

**Finally, I do have a blog with a good friend that has nothing to do with fanfiction. But it is silly and we have some Twilight inspired content. It's talksupe (dot) wordpress (dot) com. We haven't updated it recently, but I am working on a little something in our Fake Celebrity Email Theater. Check it out if you want a laugh and do not want to be at all serious.**

**Thanks for reading and any reviews you leave. They are very much appreciated!  
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Chapter 8: Parent Trap: Not Only A Cheesy Disney Movie

After talking to dear old dad, I stomped around the shop in a foul mood. Even Jasper, who could lighten my temperament in an instant, had no influence on my black thoughts. Renee? Coming here? My mother, Renee Dyer, was at best a hippie and at worst, a judgmental harpy. I know those two very different things shouldn't coexist, but with Renee they do. While she is stuffing my gagging face with nasty broccoli smoothies, she is making snide comments about my life choices.

It could only get worse if she brought Phil. My stepfather would stink up my house with incense and pot. Chant over my dead house plants, while doing his naked yoga. No wonder his minor league baseball team kicked him out. This is why he is now the stock boy at a Natural Foods Co-op. Supposedly, to fill the void, he started a baseball league for health food stores. It isn't working out well. Most of the Phil's hygienically challenged buddies think hitting a ball with a wooden bat makes the trees cry and baseballs are somehow making the wasps die. While I might think dead wasps are a good thing, it actually makes Phil's friends weep. That's why they use their bare arms to hit rocks. It wasn't going very well, except to fill up the local emergency rooms.

"Bella, darlin', you doin' alright?" Jasper asked worriedly.

I shrugged. "I guess I'm fine. Hey where's Jake?"

"He left. He said goodbye, but you were off in dreamland," Jasper explained. "I'm here to listen, always. You know that."

"Renee's coming to visit."

Jasper visibly winced. "Damn, that's not good. She just sprung that on you?"

"No," I replied with a scowl. "She told Charlie. It's supposed to be a surprise."

"Good thing your daddy isn't one to keep things from you. Like when those secrets are dealing with your momma." Jasper rubbed my shoulder with a sweet, reassuring smile "Listen, you're a big girl now. Don't let her get to you. "

I grinned. "You calling me fat?"

"You know better than that, pretty girl. All I'm saying is you can't let her get under your skin." Jasper looked at me and continued timidly, "Actually, I have a question for..."

"Oh no, Jazz! You have to get out of here!" I said as I looked at the clock. It was 11:30!

"I just need to ask..." he attempted to continue.

"Dude! Seriously, it's 11:30! Move your butt on out of here! Carl..."

Before I could finish in strolled Jasper and my ex in-laws, Carlisle and Esme Cullen, liked they owned the joint. Carlisle looked ever dapper with his hair perfectly groomed and his suit without a wrinkle. For goodness sakes, the man was supposed to be an ER doctor! You would think, he would at least look a little frazzled. Esme, was the picture of a trophy wife in her pearls and heels. She was fluffing her brown hair, which she described annoyingly as chestnut and rushing over to us with a CLICK, CLICK, CLICK. Jasper let out a high pitched squeak and his eyes widening into the size of bowling balls. Normally, I would run into the back room and hide, but I had to protect Jasper.

Esme ran over and exclaimed, "Darlings, here you both are together! How fortunate! I have been meaning to speak with you both!"

I grabbed Jasper and turned him towards me, "Don't make eye contact! Do you understand me, Whitlock! You are in the bubble. You have to ignore them, so they'll go away."

"Jasper, sweetheart, it's been to long! I was just telling Alice the other day..." Esme prattled on oblivious to the crestfallen man looking into my eyes.

Those blue eyes that held the same pain that I know he was seeing reflected in my brown ones. It's been over a year, but the devastation that the twins put us through was still fresh. We didn't need Esme and Carlisle's reminders of their children. I saw Edward's face and his various model conquests on the covers of tabloid magazines that my book store would never carry, while Jasper was subjected to Alice's rambling emails about her perfect new life and her perfect new fiancé. It was cruel and debilitating.

"Listen, Bella...I want to take you to dinner tomorrow night," Jasper stated ignoring Esme.

I looked at him feeling confused. "Of course, Jasper, Friday night at Vinnie's Pizzeria. Jessica's bringing Mike with her."

"No, Pretty, I want to take you to Seattle with me. I have a couple pieces showing at a gallery and they are having an exhibit opening. We can spend the night at Peter and Charlotte's place." Jasper took my face into both of his hands. "I think we just need to get out of Forks."

I looked deeply into Jasper's face trying to read his emotions. In the background, I could hear Esme saying something concerning Edward and Alice, but at that moment I couldn't find myself caring. I answered timidly, "I guess, but..."

"No guessing, just say yes," he whispered. Jasper then placed his lips onto mine.

I broke away in shock, as Esme gasped and Jessica squealed. His mouth felt so nice against mine, but so very different than Edward's. I replied, "Yes."

The bell to the door of the store rang as my father's voice badly sang out in the tune of the television show, COPS, "Cleaning my guns, cleaning my guns. Cullens, whatcha gonna do? Get out of my kid's store."

"Jess, we have customers," I said, with my face still in Jasper's strong hands.

What an odd and random day.


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: Look it's another one! Hello angst and hello Edward! **

**Reviews might get you a Chapter 10 and some more Edward. Hopefully. I just started writing it! **

Chapter 9: Dreams of Big Purple Dinosaurs

"Do you really want to hurt me? Do you really want to make me cry?" I sang loudly and off key throughout my house with an old cassette tape of Culture Club that Edward had left. Pickles was whimpering in the corner on her dog bed, while that evil cat starred at me while lounging on my couch.

I looked at the vicious Hemingway and sneered, "Whatcha looking at cat? Think you wrote the great American novel? Well you didn't, because you're a stupid cat that was named by a pretentious prick. A prick who thinks his to damned good for box wine. Guess what, cat? Box o' wine is delicious!"

I stumbled over to the large box of Merlot and poured some more of the box into my plastic cup. If I was going down, I was going to it in a spectacular style. To say that I wasn't taking Jasper's kiss well was an understatement. The problem was that I liked it. I liked it a lot. That thought made me feel if I was cheating on Edward. According to People Magazine, it was this Edward who was in a twisted relationship with two underwear models. As we all know, People Magazine never lies.

"Pickles...what if Jasper wants to have sex! I bet it would be good. I think I might be broken; so the sex won't work. It's been a long time. If you know what I'm saying, Pickles. No! No! Forget mommy said that! You are just a baby dog and shouldn't hear those things! Stop looking at me like that devil cat!" I pointed at Hemingway. "I know you are psychically telling the prick that I am thinking of sexy times with Blondie. That's why he left you here. To spy on me!"

I slunk into a chair and shut my eyes from the glare of Hemingway's green eyes. Just like Edward's. Evil.

_"I'm leaving at nine."_

_"Listen, Edward, I don't have anything until work on Monday. I can come and look at schools for my doctorate."_

_"Honestly, Isabella, if I wanted you to come I would have gotten you a plane ticket." Edward removed my hand from his shoulder. _

_"You have two tickets! She doesn't have to come!" I begged._

_He glared at me and said, "Carmen is my nurse. The network wants us as a package deal. We complete a picture."_

_"That's just stupid! You are married to me! I don't understand why they are packaging you two like some medical golden couple." _

_"Do you want me to hurt you? Have it your way," He scoffed. "Because, Love, she's exotic and intelligent," Edward sneered, as he tossed socks into his suitcase. "You are a mousy librarian. What do you think they would prefer? What do you think I prefer?" _

_I slapped him across his smug face. "I gave up everything for you! I did everything you said! I could be teaching at an university right now! Writing a Pulitzer Prize award winning novel! I gave up going to Georgetown! I gave up backpacking in Europe, because you said so!"_

_"It was ultimately your decision, Isabella. You need to make your own way and stop letting me dictate everything. It's annoying. Carmen stimulates me and damn that woman is a wildcat! You've never made me feel like that, little girl." _

_I slunk down the side of the bed and looked at him through my tears. "You've never complained about your our lovemaking."_

_"Sex was always easy with you, Isabella. One look and you just open your legs. It was simple like you, but never stimulating." Edward zipped closed his suitcase. "I'm staying at Carmen's tonight."_

_"How can you do this to us? We've been in love since we were 16." _

_"You've been in love. I was in teenage lust. There's a difference, baby." He leaned down and pushed his lips onto my mouth roughly and grabbed my breast. "Here's something to remember me by." _

_Edward got up quickly and strolled out the door. I was starting to hyperventilate, when an obnoxious high pitched voice rang out, "Little Bella, it will be alright! Just remember your ABC's! Jasper can teach you naked finger painting!"_

_It was Elmo yelling at me. What the hell? I looked over and saw that Elmo and Barney the Dinosaur were arm wrestling in the corner. This was the most disturbed mismatch of recollections and bizarre dreams ever. What was wrong with me?_

_Barney started singing, "Bella loves Edward! Edward loves Carmen! What an unhappy family! Jasper wants to get in little Bella's pants! Doesn't Bella want that, too!"_

_Then those two horrible puppets started laughing maliciously. I started to scream._

I woke up screaming like my dream with merlot covering my shirt. Obviously, box of wine is actually a bad idea like Edward said. That stupid prick!


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: Here you go! Please enjoy and review. Thank you for reading!**

Chapter 10: Somebody That I Used to Know is Better as a Song Than An Actuality

I stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom of As The Page Turns, while fluffing the curls that I painstakingly placed in my hair. The push up bra that Jess conned me into buying was pushing my breasts up and out of my navy wrap dress that I had bought before Edward left, but had never worn. Jasper was picking me up after I finished up at the store to head to Seattle. I was attempting to look my best, even after shelving books all morning.

I stared at my frowning face as I felt the pulsating throbbing of my brain from that wicked grape juice that I sucked down last night. I had nightmares most nights, but I swore that the wine brought my worst memories to light. Of course, it might be simply be that the anticipation of the possibility of new romance was bringing to the forefront my biggest worries about being intimate again. Which didn't explain Barney and Elmo, but that might have been because I find those talking animals horrifying just like my final memories of my time with Edward.

When Edward left he pushed me into a very bad place of self-doubt and hatred. The sweet boy who caressed me and whispered loving words into my ears when he entered me had disappeared with his cruel words. The loving husband that brushed my body with gentle kisses had morphed into a sneering monster that crushed my feelings of worth. I was left by him as a shell of my former self, but before last night I felt that I had moved past my previous incarnations of subservient girlfriend and betrayed wife to a stronger version of myself.

Unfortunately, I found that this date with Jasper was making all of my bitter thoughts resurface. What if I was really boring in bed? Maybe, I would just lay there like a lump? Even worse, could I be reading way too much in the situation and Jasper didn't want to get closer in a romantic fashion. Was his kiss just a very inappropriate friend kiss? Did I perhaps move my head and made a simple cheek kiss into something more? The very worst possibility was that Jasper was trying to get a rise out of Esme and Carlisle? Would he do that to me?

I burst out of the small bathroom trying to distance myself from my confusion and ran head first into old Mrs. Cope. As i tried to right myself on those destructive heels, the old battle ax yelled, "You have no manners, girl? You stink up the ladies lavatory?"

"Mrs. Cope, Bella did nothing wrong! Stop hovering around the bathroom, because you think you own it." Jessica pointed her finger at the cranky widow. She stood with Angela at checkout counter and grinned at me. "You look smokin', sexy!"

Angela took the tortoise shell glasses perched on top of her dark hair like a headband and placed them on her face giving me a critical look. I squeaked at her, "I know it is a bit low cut, but it's not you know whore of Babylon territory."

"I was going to say you look lovely, Bell," Angela sweetly smiled. She really was a good friend. Then her face quickly turned to a stern look. "I just want to remind you to keep those legs crossed, until Mr. Whitlock puts a ring on it!"

Jessica started guffawing as I stammered, "Are you kidding me! This is a first date! If you could consider it a date and not the usual hanging out that we normally do."

"I would consider that 'usual hanging out' to be dates. You and Jasper have been on hundreds of unofficial dates. The looks you two give each other are practically sinful. I pray for the both of you nightly," Angela pointed out as she went through receipts at the register.

A gruff voice chimed in, "I second that statement about keeping those legs crossed, kid. You do look very pretty. Like your mama, but without the crazy. I would add some sweatpants to that dress, though. Also, a thick, oversized sweater would be helpful."

"Thanks Daddy. I think I'll pass on the sweatpants and sweater combo, though." I smiled at him then realized that his visit was far later than usual. "You're a little late for lunch."

"Right...well...I thought it would be best to have a chat with young Jasper and make sure these sleeping arrangements in Seattle are kosher. I think it might be a good idea for the boy to see how nicely I clean my gun."

"Jesus, Dad! Cut it out!"

Angela shoved the curse jar into my face. "A dollar to the curse jar, Bella for saying our savior's name in vain."

Jessica pulled the jar from Angela's hand, "Give it a break, Angie. Shouldn't you be mourning Santorum quitting the presidential race?"

"What!" Angela cried grabbing her IPhone and started reading an article on her phone, muttering, "I swear if that Democrat in disguise gets the nomination..."

"Thanks, Jess! She' eating up all my profits with that stupid, swear jar."

"I know, right! She's taking all my strip club money," Jessica agreed. Then her eyes widened as the bell on the door rang out. "I knew that lunchtime was way too easy. I guess they wanted front row seats to your night out."

I looked towards the door and saw Esme and Carlisle rushing in. Huge smiles lit up their faces, as they rushed towards me. Carlisle stopped in front me and announced, "We have a magnificent surprise for you. You'll never believe it!"

I had never seen Carlisle excited about anything in reference to me; so to say it made me nervous was an understatement. He was always judgmental about the choices that Edward and I made. He was a big reason that there was an underlying tension in. my marriage. Carlisle was a jerk. I was about to tell him where he could shove his excitement, when Esme added, "The timing couldn't be more perfect, Bella darling! You look pretty today. It's the perfect outfit for today. It illustrates that it's the perfect time to get you back on track with your life. Oh shoot! I told them to wait outside until I could talk to you first. Children never listen to their mothers!"

My eyes widened and shock, as a blur of couture entered the room and grabbed me with force. "Bella! Oh my god, how ARE you? Why are you dressed up? Where is your hoodie? God, James can you just stop hovering! Grab a book and pretend you can comprehend something other than Playboy."

I looked behind the dark haired waif at a leering blond that stood next to us. He gave me a creepy look and licked his lips, which made me feel dirty. That must be the fiancé. Alice's taste went downhill fast when she left Jasper.

I pulled away from Alice and gave her an angry glare, as Jessica pulled to her side and said, "I think it would be best if you left. Bella has things to do and they definitely don't include you, bitch."

"She's my best friend, Jess..."

"Bitch, please. The only friend you have is your own self-centered self," Jess interrupted. She waved at Angela. "Just add those to my curse word tab, Ang. I'm sure I will have quite a total by the end of the day."

I rubbed Jessica's arm. "I'm okay. I can handle this."

Which I thought I could until a silky voice said, "Hello there, Isabella."

I looked over to see Edward standing before me with his wild, bronze hair and perfect body. He wore the staple suit that millions saw him wearing on the nightly national news as the ABC medical expert. I wanted to launch at him and in turn punch and kiss him passionately, until I saw his companions. My ex-husband was sandwiched between two big breasted blondes that looked like they came out of a Frederick's of Hollywood catalogue. What a pig.

"I...I...oh flying fuck," I replied at his greeting.

Charlie shook off his shock and rushed over with a yell, "You better get the hell out of here, boy! I have a bullet with your name on it! Aren't you glad daddy brought his gun, Sweetie."

"Shit. Shit. Shit," Jessica said. She grabbed Charlie and pulled him over to a table, as I stared wide eyed at Edward muttering curse words. "You sit here and keep your mouth shut and your gun in your pants. That's kind of funny. Never mind. This is her business, Charlie. She can handle this!"

Jessica rushed over to my side and whispered, "Calm down, Bella. You are acting like you have Tourette's."

"It's just the shock," I whispered back. I stood straighter and pushed my enhanced boobs up and out. Thank goodness for push up bras. I said loudly to Edward. "You and your...friends need to leave. I have the right to refuse service to whoever I wish."

"Don't be silly child, Isabella. I am just here for a chat," Edward stated looking annoyed.

I started to laugh angrily, "You don't get to say that I am being a silly. We aren't married anymore and your thoughts on my childishness aren't appreciated. Soo...fuck you, dumb head!"

I grabbed my purse and searched for a dollar.

Angela gave me a quick hug and removed my hand from my purse. "It's on the house. Next time I might suggest not using the name 'dumb head'. It was somewhat childish."

I glared at Angela, and then turned my gaze at the man that I had loved and possibly still loved. What are the chances that today, of all the days, that he would show up at my store? That's when heard a happy giggle behind us and looked over to see my former mother-in-law beaming. Esme set this up to ruin my date with Jasper!

I looked at her and exclaimed, "Did you do this on purpose, Esme? You are such a bitch. Crap, I only have twenties. Do you have change, Angela? Forget it."

I stuff a twenty dollar bill in the jar. I'm sure that will about cover my language for this fucked up day.


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: First thank you for all the story alerts! It really made my day yesterday. Also thank you to KGunter34 for the review. It made me laugh!**

**I hope you like this one! I'm working on the next chapter of Ugly Duckling Bakery. It should be up tomorrow. (Or hopefully tonight!) **

**This is a long chapter, so I think it isn't a drabble fic anymore. Oh well, I was on a roll! Enjoy! (Plus, reviews would be great, too!)**

Chapter 11: Enter The Man In Black

"Bella...I...I...understand...you're angry, but..." Esme stammered.

Put a fork in me, because I was done with this mess.

I held my hand out to stop her simpering and stated forcibly, "Enough of this nonsense. This is a place of business and should be treated as such. Half the customers have run out of here or are sitting back and watching the freak show. This is partly my fault, since I think the shock made me overreact. That's over now. I need to leave in a couple of minutes, so I need to finish up my duties here. If you feel the need to stay, then fine stay. Please buy a book, a coffee or maybe one of Jess's tasty pastries. I don't care what you decide, but of you continue to loiter in the middle of the store then I'll let the Chief come at you. Take your pick."

"You have five minutes people. Buy something or I'm calling in backup," Dad said while stroking his handcuffs.

Edward started to approach me when one of the blonde bimbos grabbed his arm. In her thick accent, she purred, "Edvard...the muffins have too...much of the fat. Is that man...a Burt Reynolds...of the Smoky and the Bandit? him."

"No...no, Irina!" The other blonde with the curly hair explained. "He is the Tom Selleck! Magnum, P.I.! Edvard, can we take the Tom Selleck home with us?"

Charlie looked at the women in shock and perhaps a little pride. It was gross. Before I could get my dad back on track, Edward snapped at the vapid twosome, "Be quiet, Tanya and Irina. God, you both are giving me the worst headache. Listen, Isabella, I don't want to get you in trouble with your boss. I just don't understand why you're working here. What happened to your job at the library? Not that you needed to work there either. I left you more than enough money to live a life of leisure or at least go back to school for fun. You love school. You're too good to be a shop girl."

"I am the boss, Edward. It's my business." I felt offended by him. Even after leaving he was trying to control my life.

The curly blonde exclaimed with dollar signs flashing in her big, blue eyes, "Edvard, she bought this store with money! Your money! You have much money, Edvard?"

"Shut up, Tanya," Edward sneered. That's the Edward, I knew. It felt nice that it wasn't directed at me.

"Well, Tanya," I answered in a sickeningly sweet tone. "I bought it for myself. I borrowed my money from a place called the bank. It's a building and not a person that you get money from. If you would be so kind as to purchase something from my establishment, I can pay back the loan I took for the bank. You see I borrowed money, which I will pay back. I just don't take money without repaying it with hard work. Tanya, you do understand what work is?"

"I am a model." Tanya began to pout.

"I will take that answer to be a no." What a stupid, annoying model.

Edward grabbed my arm. "I gave you a very large settlement in the divorce, Isabella. You shouldn't be taking out loans at banks. You should be laying on a beach somewhere warm and drinking Margaritas."

"That's hilarious, Edward! Did ever really know me? Lying on a beach is the last thing I would ever do, with or without your money." I shook off his arm. "I never cashed your stupid check. I never wanted your money before and I don't want it now. You just don't get it do you?"

"You never cashed the check?" Edward asked in confusion. He ran his hands through his hair. My eyes watched intently, a part of me missing the feeling of my own hands caressing his head. After a busy day at the hospital, Edward would come home and lay his head on my lap and have me stroke his head while we watched the evening news. It was a favorite memory of mine, but it was ruined by the way he treated me before he left.

I shook my head to clear my mind of any positive thoughts I ever had of him. "Do you even look at your finances? It must be nice to live without any worries. Maybe, I should let the network know that their medical expert isn't the most observant person in the world. It makes me question how good of a doctor you are. Would you even notice if you left a clamp in a patient during surgery? Tsk, Tsk, Dr. Cullen."

"That's a low blow, Isabella. I have a person who handles my money." Edward took a deep breath and cupped my chin. I heard Charlie yell behind us and Angela telling him to be quiet, but was unable to move my head to calm my father down as a stared into his green eyes. "I am issuing a new check and you are going to cash it, beautiful. Let me take care of you."

That was all it took for me to pull away and push him back. "I think you took enough CARE of me when you decided to leave with Carmen. How is she anyway? Still a wildcat in bed?"

The straight hair blonde, Irina, interrupted before Edward could answer, "We hate that...that...horrible woman."

"Well, I guess I can agree with your models on something, Edward. I don't care about Carmen or you Edward." I shrugged. I glanced at Jessica. "Can you get my dad something to cool to drink? It looks like he's about to have a coronary."

"It looks like your dad needs a whiskey, but an ice cold tea will work for now." Jess looked at Edward. "You leave her alone, you hear. Bella, Jasper will be here any minute. Fix your lipstick, Bells. You keep biting your lip."

I went to grab a lipstick out of my purse. I looked up to see Edward staring at my lips, his eyes going dark. This was so confusing. I turned around from him, so I didn't have to look at him, as I heard Alice say, "My Jazzy's coming!"

Carlisle stroked her arm and said, "Monkey, you need to remember you aren't married to him anymore."

"I want to be his friend! Maybe..."

"Monkey, just be calm. You need patience for things to work out," Carlisle pleaded. These Cullen's were a delusional bunch.

"Speaking of the extremely hot devil, he's arrived!" Jessica smirked behind me.

The door opened and there he was looking like perfection on legs. I was used to Jasper being cute in his paint covered shirts and ripped jeans, but this version before me was swoon worthy. Wearing a fitted black button down and charcoal pants that fitted him perfectly, he looked like he stepped out of a men's fashion magazine. Clutched in his hands was a bouquet of tulips, which were my favorite flower. Edward always gave me red roses, but it was tulips that I loved.

Jasper walked over to me with purpose with his eyes locked on mine and a smile gracing his face, not noticing those around us. I was staring at him to until a shrill little voice yelled out, "Jazzy, you brought me flowers! I mean lilies are my favorites, but that's okay. Short notice about my visit and all! Daddy, was this why Edward and I needed to get here so quickly? Jasper is forgiving me?"

Carlisle started stammering as Alice grabbed onto Jasper, while that creepy James ran over and pulled her away.

James looked at Alice with an angry look on his face. "Alice stop being inappropriate."

"But, Jamie, its Jazz..."

"Alice, what are you doing here?" Jasper asked in a stern tone.

She looked sadly at him. "Daddy and Mommy said we need to come back. It was important that we come here! I just knew it was because you and Bella needed us!"

I looked at Alice's desperate face as she looked at Jasper and my heart dropped. He was going to take her back in an instant. I wasn't sure if she broke his heart so severely like Edward did mine, but I knew Jasper couldn't talk about his heartbreak. This led me to think about my own feelings for Jasper and Edward, not to mention a tricky thing called forgiveness. Tonight was supposed to be about starting fresh with a handsome man, but now everything was all mixed up.

Jasper words brought me out of my fluctuating thoughts. "Ali, these flowers are for Bella. We are heading to Seattle tonight."

"Wait a minute, is Bella your date?" Edward announced grabbing my arm.

Jasper gave him a small smile, as he walked up to us leaving a crying Alice behind him. "Well hello to you, Edward. Could you unhand my date? This lovely lady and I need to be heading out."

Edward gripped my arm harder and I stepped on his foot. He let out a yelp and let my arm go. I gave Jasper a smile and said, "You look very handsome, Jasper."

"Why darlin', I pale in comparison to your beauty. These are for you." Jasper handed me the yellow and orange tulips and kissed my cheek which made me blush. "Pink is a very beautiful shade on you."

Edward's face turned various shades of red as well, but his coloring had nothing to do with blushing. He was furious. "You don't touch her, Whitlock!"

"I can't promise anything, old buddy. Have you ever really looked at her? This girl is gorgeous in sweats, so if I can barely contain myself then can you imagine what Bella in a dress is doing to me."

As Alice started wailing behind us, Edward snarled, "I will destroy you, if you try to lay a hand on her. Isabella's mine!"

Jasper let out a laugh. "You really think that, Edward? This is what I think. That ship sailed when you sent Bella divorce papers. I promise you that you will be the last thing she's thinking about when I have my hands on her tonight."

My eyes widened and I let out a gasp. Edward launched himself at Jasper, as Carlisle and my father jumped up to restrain him.

The curly haired blonde, Tanya said in confusion to the other, "Why are the beautiful men fighting over the plain one? Her boobs are small and she has hair like dirt."

Angela stomped over to them. "I think it's because her beauty is pure and not plastic like a Barbie doll. I think the two of you need to leave."

"I like Barbie! She is a pretty doll. Why do you not like the Barbie, small bird girl?" Irina asked with a pout.

"Irina, Tanya...go wait in the limo with James. I'll handle this!" Edward said struggling with my dad who had handcuffed him.

"Don't let the door hit you the asses on the way out!" Angela announced as she pushed them out the door.

Jess and I gasped at Angela, as my dad started reading Edward his rights. "You have the right to remain silent..."

"Dad, what are you doing?" I asked.

"I think this boy needs a night in the clink. Attempted assault should work just fine," My dad said with a grin.

"Charles, please no!" Esme pleaded.

My father just shook his head and winked at me.

Jessica grabbed my overnight bag and handed it to me. "You two need to get going. Have a wonderful time! I want you to call me tomorrow morning and tell me everything!"

"You look fantastic and don't think about what happened here! Just be happy!" Angela said giving me a kiss on the cheek. "Please at least think about separate beds for my sanity and Charlie's. I'll be praying that you make the right decision."

"You're spending the night together! Isabella, baby, please don't do this! I love you! You know this!" Edward cried. I looked at his pained face in shock. What the hell?

Jasper grabbed me around the waist, before I could question Edward. "Edward, you are getting desperate. It's embarrassing. Here's a little something for you to think about tonight when you cuddle up with Bubba in jail."

That's when Jasper places his lips onto mine in a deep kiss, with his tongue entering my mouth with a lustful urgency. He weaved his fingers through my hair and pressed his body to mine making my whole body flush with a heat that I haven't felt since the last time I had been intimate with Edward. It felt amazing.

Jasper released my mouth as I took in a deep breath. That man left me breathless. He then grabbed my bag in one hand and my hand in his other. Jessica handed me my purse, as Jasper announced to the room, "Well, we're off. See y'all later. Have a terrific night, because we certainly will!"

He walked me out the door as Alice cried and Edward snarled behind us. We went quickly to his car and as he opened it for me, I had to ask, "Not that I'm complaining, but was that scene to make Edward and Alice jealous?"

He gave me a smirk. "Maybe a small bit, but truthfully as soon as I saw you looking so sexy I needed to put my lips on yours."

"Oh. Well that works," I blushed again. "Have you noticed we have only kissed in my store and in front of an audience?"

"Well, pretty girl, I think we need to rectify that." Jasper grabbed my face and gave me another amazing toe curling kiss. He added, "More of that to come, sweetness."

I sat down into the car with a sigh. I had lived the last couple months in a sad, but comfortingly predictable way. Now in one day, my relationships with Jasper and Edward have become a roller coaster. The question now was would I embrace the twists and turns or run screaming the other way.


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: This one isn't for the kids. Not even a little bit, which is why it's rated M. If you are an adult, please enjoy and let me know that it was okay. If you are a kid, read the first Twilight. **

Chapter 12: Riding in a Car with a Handsome Man

The car ride to Seattle was uncomfortable to say the least. The most uncomfortable part being Jasper's long fingers caressing my knee. Maybe uncomfortable wasn't the right word, because I liked it and I liked it a lot. The reintroduction of Edward and Alice into our lives was the reason I was feeling any discomfort. I didn't know what the terrible twosomes expectations for were for us. I couldn't help wondering what their game was. Who would bring a fiancé and their model girlfriends when trying to rekindle a relationship with their exes? It made no sense, but of course they were notorious for cluelessness.

I took a free hand and grabbed onto Jasper's that rested on my knee. "You don't think they are going to stay in Forks? I mean they need to head back into the hole they came out of."

"Of course, darlin', the only reason they were acting so crazy was that they saw us together. Once Carlisle springs his baby boy out of jail, Edward and Alice can go back to bossing around those airheads they've been messing around with." He gave me wink. "Let's not let them ruin our fun. I have big plans for you, girl."

I gazed out the window at the trees that we passed by and the shapes the clouds made above us. "What about Alice, Jasper? She was crying. No matter how angry I am at her for the both of us, I still melted a little. Alice has had me under her thumb since eleventh grade."

"Look at me, Bella."

I continued to gaze out of the window and frowned at a field of cows. "I can't. You'll be a distracted driver and we will get in accident. It will be my entire fault. Then at our joint funeral, Alice and Edward will act like fools and throw themselves on our graves wailing. It will be on Good Morning America and everyone watches will know our business. That will make the rest angels in heaven mock us for eternity."

Jasper pulled over to the side of the road into the grass by the cow field and took my head in his hands. He asked gently, "Pretty, what are you talking about?"

"I know I am making no sense now. It's just that I knew they had to come to visit Forks someday, but I was hoping it would be a long time from now. I wanted to be in an established relationship that would show Edward how happy I could be without him. This thing with us is new and it feels good! We just haven't had time to explore what it means with Esme dragging Edward and Alice here." I felt my eyes well up with tears.

"Don't cry, my beautiful girl. I just want joy for us being together," Jasper stated wiping away my tears. "I should have known Esme was behind this."

"I yelled at her and called her a nasty name."

Jasper let out a laugh and rubbed his fingers on my lips. "That's my girl. You are a spitfire, Pretty. Before we do anything this evening let me ease your mind. Sure, I still have lingering feelings for Alice. She was my wife and when she left me it was a surprise. I am sure you feel the same about Edward. But I tell you this, I love the way your lips feel against mine. When I put my hands on your hips I need to stroke and caress every inch of you. The smell of you lights up my senses. Every time I see you it fills me with want, even when it's when you are covered in dirt from working in the garden. A dirty Bella just makes me want to run you a warm bath and wash you from head to toe, kissing you the whole time. You are my best friend, Bella and that is the most fantastic feeling in the world."

I was swooning.

"Are you trying to seduce me, Mr. Whitlock?" I asked with a blush.

"I'm not trying anything, Lover, that blush is showing me that I am succeeding." Jasper reached over and unbuckled my seat belt and then his. "So my question is, are you ready to embrace the possibility of us or is Edward going to ruin us before we can begin."

I took my fingers and weaves then through his blond curls, pulling his face closer to mine. "My feelings toward Edward are the same as yours towards Alice. I do wish he would take that stupid cat with him when he leaves."

Jasper's face inched even closer, "I agree on that one. I might have tried to kiss you before, but Hemingway always hisses at me and glares. I bet Edward trained him to do that on purpose."

"Stupid Hemingway and stupid Edward need to get a damn life," I whispered and ran my tongue over Jasper's lips.

"Amen, Baby, Amen. I think a good idea is a little less talking about Edward and a little more relaxing before we hit the road." His mouth crashed onto mine and I felt him open my dress, his fingers stroking my skin.

I moaned into his mouth, the hand in his hair tightening and the other hand rubbing the hard bulge that was tightening the front of his pants. I undid his buckle and shoved my hand into his under ware continuing to touch him in a frenzied motion.

Jasper's head pulled away from my mouth and he gently pulled out my breast from my lace bra. "Lover, you are a vision of beauty."

His hands gently moved my nipple making it hard and when his mouth started suckling, I screamed out in pleasure. His other hand moved into my panties and started tickling the skin inside and out making me delirious in pleasure.

I started pulsating my hand against him harder making him yell out, "Baby we have to stop, you're making me too excited! Oh sweet angel, yes. No, no, we can't!"

"What? Why are we stopping? It's bad. Oh god, I'm so sorry. Let's just forget this happened." I pushed away and tried to straighten up my clothing. I was struggling to keep my tears in check. I didn't want to be a weepy woman again. I did that too much when Edward left. The words that Edward left me with were still just too fresh in my mind.

Jasper stopped the motion of my hands and kissed me softly. "Oh Bella, I didn't mean to make you think this wasn't incredible. I want to take my time with you and preferably not in the front seat of my car. Your beauty drives me so crazy that I was ignoring some basic facts like we could be discovered any minute in a very naked situation. Also, that I really don't want to have to borrow a pair of Peter's pant for the opening tonight. He is about a size smaller and his pants would be mighty uncomfortable. Finally, and the most important reason, I want to see you laid out, naked on a bed when I make love to you."

"Oh…Oh…okay, that will work," I stammered looking at him with wide eyes.

Jasper helped me straightened my dress giving me another long kiss. He pulled his car back onto the road and he glanced at me with a big grin. "You better get ready, girl. I'm going to show you what a real man can do."

I let myself relax next to him and returned his smile as that hand of his hand found a new position high on my upper thigh rubbing slowly and gently. I had the distinct feeling that this was the night that would enlighten my world.


	13. Chapter 13

**AN: A two chapter post day! Please enjoy and review would be fantastic! Thank you!**

Chapter 13: A Big, Hairy Ape Enters a Cafe...

It felt nice sitting next Jasper in an artsy little restaurant filled with abstract paintings and jazz playing softly in the background. It was a perfect setting. We were sharing our dinners, while laughing with Charlotte and Peter. It was finally nice to spend time without Edward's spouting medical jargon to impress and Alice's sneering at everyone's clothing.

I smiled at a joke that Charlotte was telling about her overbearing boss and started to smooth down my wild curls. Jasper grabbed that hand and placed it in his lap while intertwining our fingers. He leaned in and whispered, "What did I say about that gorgeous hair? Leave it. It looks well loved."

I was swooning again, which flowed into a panic. We were going from zero to sixty in one day. This was my friend who just last week watched bad reality television about housewives with questionable tastes with me. I mean who in their ever loving mind would take out the trash wearing a too tight track suit and stilettos? Well, Alice would. That wasn't the point, what is important is I ate a whole bag of Cheetos, by myself, next to the man. My face was covered in orange dust and Jasper laughed so hard he fell off my couch. Then there was that time I bent down and farted...

Oh damn, I forgot, I farted in front of Jasper. We hadn't even been on a real date at the point or even thinking of being one. Where was the mystery? Where was the excitement of new discovery when I just let one rip in front of him with no thought? I started gagging on a noodle.

"Bella, honey, are you alright?" Charlotte questioned and pounded me on the back.

"It just went down the wrong pipe." I liked Charlotte. An elementary school teacher, she had a wonderful eye for great children's literature. I had made a decision that I not only need to pick her brain for new authors, but it would be amazing to have her as a good friend.

Her husband, Peter was Jasper's best friend and a mural artist. He made fabulous worlds throughout the state in homes and businesses. Peter also promoted Jasper's work to his wealthy clients. They were a team and when Alice left, it was Peter that Jasper depended on.

Jasper rubbed my thigh and said softly, "Are you sure, Bella? You're looking concerned."

"Charlie had Pickles tonight, so I'm concerned about her howling. She's never spent the night without me." I replied. I didn't want him to worry about if I was having doubts. I think my biggest worry what could happen alone and in the dark. The car ride worked out so well that I didn't want to screw up the main event.

"You are such a mommy, Bella!" Charlotte let out a laugh. "Those feelings of guilt will dissipate soon enough. We were thrilled to drop the girls off to their grandparents."

I flinched at the mention of motherhood. Peter grinned at his wife. "That's what dirty diapers and 2 am feeding will do to you, Char. Hey Bella, what possessed you to get a dog?"

"I think my dad wanted a dog, but didn't want all the work," I said.

"I think Charlie wanted a grand baby. A furry one worked for him," Jasper announced taking a large bite of potato.

I looked at Jasper with a frown. I had wanted a child so badly with Edward, but he always wanted to wait. The dream of being a parent was out off for medical school, hospital rotations and interviews for television news shows. When he left, my dreams of our green eyed babies went with him.

Jasper eyes widened. He mouthed at me, "I'm so sorry! I wasn't thinking!"

I knew Jasper meant no harm, but it was a feeling that was hard to shake. I took a deep breath and gave a small smile to beckon back my earlier joyful mood. Unfortunately, a booming voice approached our table. "Well, well, well, look what I spy, Rosie! What luck for us to see our friends! Hey, sis, what's up with the freshly fucked hair?"

Picking up a lock of my crazy hair and examining it was insane brother-in-law extraordinaire, Emmett Cullen. Damn.


	14. Chapter 14

**AN: Because, you are all terrific! Here's one more! Please enjoy! Let me know if you are still enjoying this story. Thank you!**

Chapter 14: Boris and Natasha

Rosalie, Emmett's wife spoke first, "I am so sorry! I told him no! Shit, Em, I could have called Bella's cell phone."

I had always liked Rosalie for many reasons. She was extremely truthful, down to earth and a fantastic mechanic who made my car run like a dream. She was also Emmett's boss. He was detailed cars for her at the shop and loved doing it. While Esme and Carlisle were pushing Edward and Alice to their vision of excellence, Emmett happily strolled along to the beat of his own drummer.

"Why do you need to call my cell phone, Rosalie?"

Emmett decided to pull up a chair to our table and motioned Rosalie to do the same. He answered my question for his wife, "To warn you that Ed and Al are heading up to ruin your date. They want us to spy until the terrible twins get here. Little do they know is that we are double agents. Bwahahaha! So you have a date with Jazz, little Bell? That would explain that hair of yours, you little wildcat!"

"They heard where you were and Em's delusional parents sprung Emo from the slammer," Rosalie interrupted her husband and hit him upside his big head. "Show some class, dumbass! You don't point out a lady's sex hair. It's just rude, but may I say well done, Bella!"

Jasper looked pissed. "I think we should leave Bella's hair out of this. It is entirely lovely and bouncy."

Emmett stole a breadstick from my plate. "What was bouncy on Bella, DJ Jazzy J? I think you might be talking about her boobs. Do you think they have Buffalo wings in this joint? There's a sports bar across the street. We should go check out the Celtics game across the street. Don't give me that look, Rose! I like those green uniforms."

Peter was about to say something when Charlotte put her hand over his mouth. "We aren't going over to a sport's bar, Pete. Wait, how did they know where we are?"

"I bet it was Charlie! He asked where we were heading when I called to check on the dog," I stated.

"Bingo, lil Bell, you got it! This was reported by my Mom, in her best busy body mode. She hung back at your store while pop got Ed. I guess Charlie came back in to check on things and let Jessica know what was up."

"They are really loud when their together, sugar, it's odd to see Charlie and Jessica being best buddies." Jasper put his arm around me and gave me a squeeze.

"I just really don't want them to ruin our night," I pleaded as I gazed in Jasper's beautiful eyes.

Rosalie pounded on the table shaking our drinks, "Then they won't! You, Bella keep looking at Jasper like you do and Jasper will keep touching you like he's been doing. It makes him look like a perv, but it's hot. The rest of us will run interference."

"Do you like me doing a little something like this, beautiful?" Jasper asked in a whisper before nibbling my ear.

I was feeling warm and happy again, when Emmett exclaimed, "You're right, babe! Jazz man is a hot perv."


	15. Chapter 15

**AN: Today in honor of my wedding anniversary, I am posting updates for Forks revised, a Forks Mini Chapter, Daily Affirmations and Ugly Duckling Bakery! Make my day even more special by reviewing and checking out my other stories. (I bet you'll like them.)  
><strong>  
><strong>Also, thank you for reading my stories! You all are wonderful!<br>**  
><strong>Quick story rec... What If by WhatIfThingsWereDifferent. Her story is amazing. She conveys so much emotion in so few words. It really is fantastic!<strong>

Chapter 15: Giant Canvases of Boobs

"Damn, Jasper, these are some hot painted boobs!" Emmett was bouncing in excitement, as the group walked through the gallery. "They can't be Bella's, because hers are way too small."

"Thanks a bunch for frankly discussing my anatomy, Em. I must point out those boobs on that painting cannot be easily judged for size. That breast you are talking about is bigger than your body."

This was entirely accurate. Jasper paintings were studies of nude models who canvases were over ten feet tall. The parts of the body that were represented were amazingly accurate, but amazingly disturbing in their size. I was certain I was going to have some very crazy dreams about giant naked women chasing me through Seattle.

"Aww, kid, your boobies are perky. Men love the cute, little, perky boobies. Right, Jazz, you like the perky Bella booby?" Emmett gave Jasper a wink. I was going to kill him.

Jasper removed his hand from mine. I was sure he was as either embarrassed by Emmett or by my 'cute, little, perky boobies." I glanced down at my shoes with a frown when Jasper wrapped his arm around mine and pulled me tightly up against him. "As an artist, I feel I am an expert on the human form and I can assure your breasts are the loveliest I've seen."

I glanced up at him with a smile and Jasper leaned in and gave me a sweet peck on the lips and murmured against my mouth, "Sweetheart, I just couldn't resist."

"I know I told you two to be close, but you both are so sweet it's making me slightly nauseous," Rosalie stated with a smile.

Charlotte laughed. "I think it's about time these two found some happiness, don't you..."

Before Charlotte could finish her statement, a flamboyantly dressed man came running over calling for Jasper. His silk shirt was a tunic of rainbow pastel colors and he paired it with magenta leggings. With slicked back brown hair and red coke bottle glasses, this squealing man looked like he came out of central casting for a 70's B movie.

Jasper pulled me over with him towards the odd man. "John, it's great to see! The place looks fantastic!"

"Jasper, my darling boy, I am so happy to see you! Peter and Charlotte, greetings and salutations! I don't know your friends, but welcome!"

"John, this is Emmett and Rosalie Cullen and this lovely lady here is Bella Swan," Jasper introduced us with a smile.

"It's a pleasure to meet new friends!" The exuberant man turned to me. "Your name is fitting, Beautiful Bella. Is she the model you used for this series?"

"No, but someday I hope to persuade her to pose for me." Jasper kissed my forehead. He wanted me to model? Me model naked? I thought Jasper might be inhaling some residual wacky weed off of John. He reeked of marijuana and sauerkraut, which was a unusual and disgusting combination.

"You used Maria, right?" Peter inquired.

Jasper nodded. "I did, but I think I won't be doing using her again. She's on the intense side."

"Maria Lopez? She's modeling again? I thought she wanted to focus on her performance art. She's here with her new patron, Aro Volturi. Oh Jasper, you should say hello to them. It might drum up new business!" John implored.

"I don' think that's...fuck." Jasper looked annoyed.

Strolling up to us was an amazingly gorgeous woman of Hispanic descent wearing a tight ruby dress with her dark curls flowing around her face. All I could do was plaster on a fake smile and hope that tonight wouldn't become a massive disaster.


	16. Chapter 16

**AN: Hi everyone! I rewrote this chapter three times. It was giving me so much trouble! I love humor, but this chapter was losing the angst and becoming Forks and Ugly Duckling Bakery. **

**I hope you like it. Let me know! **

**Update…Forks Revised should be posted today if I can get my millions of errands done today. I am working on the next chapter of Ugly Duckling Baker, so hopefully next week. I might even post a teaser on Fictionators. Also, if anyone has any ideas how to promote my stories, please send me a message with your ideas. Thanks for your help! **

Chapter 16: Look at Me I'm Sandra Dee

I never saw someone saunter into a room before, but this Maria lady just swished and swayed her hips right over to Jasper. It was if she had a tractor beam fixed onto Jasper and was magnetically pulled forward to him, like a slutty alien. I bet she didn't know what a tractor beam was. I was also certain that this superior version of womanhood didn't watch Star Trek every night with her dad. I felt sweat on my forehead in realization that I could do the Vulcan hand greeting. I was such a dork.

Emmett's eyes bugged out of his head and exclaimed, "It's like she jumped out of a telenovela and is coming right for me!"

"Keep staring at Dora the Slutty Explorer and I will bury you in the backyard, Emmett Cullen," Rosalie hissed.

"You know I like blondes, babe! I was just joking," Emmett whimpered looking at his toes.

It was amazing looking at the pull this woman had on all the men in the room. I had thought Edward's 'nurse', Carmen had a profound effect on men, but this lady made her seem like a wall flower. Mouths dropped open, drinks were spilled and heads whipped around to view every angle of her body. It was ridiculous, but also humbling. You wake up in the morning feeling pretty good about yourself. Your hair isn't frizzy, there's no odd pimple on your nose and, by golly, your boobs seem perky. Then watching these fool men stumble all over themselves for one woman and you really have to rethink your previous assumptions of your attractiveness.

"You know, after having two babies, I have flab in odd places," Charlotte stated with a frown. "It's ridiculously unfair that my husband gets to ogle that woman, instead of appreciating that I'm suffering wearing these stupid suck it in panties for him. They are seriously a vice on my stomach. It hurts like a bitch."

"I appreciate it and I think you look lovely. If it makes you feel any better, I measured my boobs last week. My right is a good size bigger than my left. Also, my hips are huge; I look like a lopsided pear." It was true. I decided to take a critical inventory of all my flaws after Edward left. It wasn't a pretty situation.

"Please stop acting like fools. It gives me a migraine. She's nothing to be intimidated by. Her boobs are obviously bigger than her brains," Rosalie said with authority. Of course, Rosalie looks like a fashion model, even when wearing coveralls and covered in car grease, so she really isn't the best one to give her opinion on the subject.

Rosalie looked at Jasper. "Whitlock, could you and Peter please tell these two idiots that they are the prettiest things in this room. It's like you dumbasses have never seen a woman showing too much cleavage before. You both are regressing into horny thirteen years old boys. It's embarrassing."

Jasper looked down at me with a frown and placed his hand on my face. "Come on now, pretty, you know she's only a colleague. Maria doesn't hold a candle to you. He then was pulled away from me violently.

"Jasper, why you hold this child's face? I so happy to see you, my lover!"

Charo yanked Jasper from me and kissed him firmly on the lips, while squeezing his behind.

I just stared in shock as Charlotte grabbed my hand in support. Emmett was physically restraining Rosalie from pummeling Jasper's model friend. I remember Carmen kissing Edward like this when we would see her at hospital functions. Edward always claimed that it was a common greeting from people of Latin descent. That women like Carmen were just more affectionate in greeting others. I stupidly fell for his lies, but I wasn't going to be a fool again. I didn't know what game Jasper was trying to play, but I was out.

When I was young I was obsessed with the movie, Grease. I assume most young girls are. What I remember vividly was the scene at the big dance, when Sandy was confronted with the fact that Danny had relations with someone more confident and more experienced. I felt so sad for her and the fact that she had to question if she was good enough for the man she loved. I had felt that feeling of worthlessness with Edward and Carmen and here I was feeling it again. It wasn't lost on me that like on Grease, Carmen and Maria were Spanish beauties like Cha Cha. What could possibly happen next? Jasper and Edward are going to drag race to see who the king of Forks was? I needed to take a step back and regroup. My life was getting ridiculous and it needed to get back to normal.

"I need a drink," I announced to no one in particular and started to head towards the bar.

Jasper pulled away from Maria. "I'll come with you, honey!"

I shook my head to get him to stay away and he grabbed my upper arm. "Sugar, you got this all wrong! You have nothing to be made about!"

"Jasper, my lover, let me meet your little brown bird. Brown bird, what do you do?" Maria asked, as she draped her arm around Jasper's waist making us look like a bizarre Congo line.

"You mean like my profession?" Maria nodded in agreement. I had no idea why she wanted to know. "Didn't 'your lover' tell you, I own a book store."

"Isn't that a delight, my Jasper! The little brown bird likes to read stories! I don't read. There are many more pleasures to be had. The bedroom kind I speak of, bird. You read about them in your books?"

Jasper moved away from her and wrapped both of his arms around my torso, "Maria, this is my Bella. We are together."

I looked at Maria's face contort into a twisted smile, as she appraised me and my many faults. Jasper just pulled me tighter and kissed my ear, then whispered, "Bella, pretty, she is delusional. I promise there is nothing between us!"

"The brown bird is named Bella? That does not seem right. Maybe, she should be called Magpie or Swallow? It matters not!" Maria exclaimed with a flick of her wrist. "Brown bird, you and my lover shall see me perform my art next week! I do feats of amazement with feathers."

"Where do you perform?" Rosalie asked her face brightening with some unnamed realization.

"Oh yes, blonde woman, at the Pussy Cat Club. You come too and learn my art!"

Rosalie began to snicker as I practically yelled, "You're a stripper!"

Obviously, my mouth has no filter.

"I am an artist and dancer, who performs magic with feathers!" Maria stomped her stiletto and waved her arms in the air.

Rosalie snickers morphed into full blown belly laughter, she had to take deep breaths to calm herself. When she finally was able to breathe again she asked Maria with a grin, "So what you're telling us that you are a dancer, who uses props and, I think the part you might be leaving out, is that you perform in the nude?"

Charlotte's head whipped to her husband and she grabbed her husband's arm. "Peter, is that Cat Club where you saw Maria's 'art'?"

"Baby, I...I...I…" Peter stammered.

"Two words, Pete, the couch."

By the look on poor Peter's face it looked like the couch was a threat that was not taken lightly. Emmett just started to laugh when Rosalie punched him in the arm.

"The body is a work of art is it not? My lover, this is why you worship my nipples with your brushes?" Maria asked Jasper as he buried his head in my neck.

"Don't believe her Bella. She was just a model. I would want to worship you, not her!" He murmured in my skin. Jasper looked up and kissed me gently on the lips. He turned to Maria. "There isn't anything between us, Maria! I would like to be your friend, but you have to respect that I have feelings for someone else."

"My lov...Jasper, if you want to mount a small bird then I must respect this." Maria narrowed her dark eyes at me. "I will be your friend and the bird, too. As your friend, I will introduce you to my amazing patron, Aro Volturi! Aro, owns my performance space. He will buy these paintings to decorate! Maybe, you make a mural of my breasts. I will model, yes?"

I didn't trust Maria and her fake boobs and bright red lips. The last thing Jasper needed was, if he was being truthful, her crazy in his life. I just wanted at least one night of no drama, but life just seemed to want to kick me in the ass.

Jasper let me go and stepped towards Maria and put his hands up in a defensive pose. He looked at Maria suspiciously. "I'm not sure this would work. Thanks for the offer, Maria, but..."

Before, Jasper could refuse Maria's offer, a painfully thin man wearing a grey suit, red silk shirt and black robe came up to us clapping his hands in a creepy fashion. The man's hair was slicked back like an oil spill. It was so caked in gel that I was concerned that it was dripping on the floor and someone would trip. He looked at me leering and said in a high pitched voice, "Maria, you brought a friend! Can she dance the pole?"

An irate Jasper fumed, "Excuse me, man, I think you need to respect my date!"

"Oh you must be Maria's Jasper! I apologize for the offense. The only reason I ask, is that your young friend would fit in so perfectly with my family." The man grabbed my hand and started stroking it. "My name is Aro Volturi and I am the owner and artistic director of the Pussy Cat Club. Are you sure you aren't a dancer, my dear? I can envision you and a seductive dance with a python."

Mr. Volturi gave me a wink and wiggled his eye brows. The thought of the creepy crypt keeper having stimulating dreams about me made me physically ill.

I pulled my hand away from I wrapped myself around Jasper. "I think you might be mistaken, Mr. Volturi. I am not a...umm...dancer. I also have a snake phobia. Your idea would be a bad thing all around."

"Bella and I should really be going; we have some very important plans tonight." Jasper smiled down on me.

I looked back at Jasper and my face flushed with a blush. This was it! Bella Swan's very long dry spell was going to broken by a very beautiful, blonde man with talented fingers. As Jasper rubbed my waist with those talented fingers, a silky and dangerous voice demanded, "Get the hell off my wife!"


	17. Chapter 17

**AN: Happy Monday, everyone! **

**To celebrate the dreary Monday we are having here, I will be updating all my stories today and promising to reply to reviews. **

**Quick update, if you are reading Forks Revised, it is now only called Forks. (I removed the old version last week) I will be updating a new revised chapter and mini bonus chapter. I am very excited about the changes and hope that you'll check it out. Also, Ugly Duckling Bakery will be posted today.**

**I also heard that someone recommended this story on their Facebook page. Thank you! Please send a hello, so I can thank you personally!**

**Finally, I started a Facebook page for my stories that has my first ever banner for Forks. You can find me at Staceleo Stories. I'll place teasers, story updates and just love to chat about your story recommendations!**

**Now back to Bella and that ex-husband of hers…**

Chapter 17: If You Can't Beat Them, Then a Swift Kick in the Balls Will Do

There comes a time when enough is enough. Tonight had so much promise, when it started. I was getting out there, finally, and going on a date for the first time since my mockery of a marriage ended with a gorgeous man. That same gorgeous man had given me an organism that wasn't self-induced. Usually, those were provided by my good buddy, Mr. Happy the Vibrating Dolphin. I was wearing makeup, for god's sake. Isabella Swan's life was looking up until it, once again, crashed spectacularly to the ground.

I knew it would have been easier to spend the evening in front of the television, wearing my oversized Miss Piggy for Dictator Sweatshirt. I would be rocking the gray leggings that were stained with red wine. The leggings were a must, because I would be chowing down on The Fork's Diner Onion Rings, and I would need the extra stomach stretch. On the television, I would be catching up Game of Thrones and Smash. Ultimately, I would pass out on the couch, covered in onion ring crumbs and I would dream of medieval warriors singing show tunes.

That was my life and it was a comfortable one. I should be running back to that and leaving this adventure behind. Yet, I didn't want that. I wanted to feel pretty, I wanted to be wooed and ultimately I wanted an exciting romantic life. These idiots were taking it away and I was mad!

"I'm not your wife," I snarled at Edward. "Did you miss the memo that you left me and we got divorced? I certainly didn't. Go home."

"Isabella, yes, I understand we are divorced. There is still the undeniable fact that I will always be an important part of your life. I need to protect you..."

Jasper pushed Edward's shoulder hard. "I think you need to..."

"Jasper, I got this. We can leave in a minute." I rubbed his arm. I heard a whimper and saw Alice weeping next to her creepy fiancé. I turned my attention back to my ex-husband. "No, Edward Cullen, you are no longer an important part of my life. You could do me a favor. Get your evil cat."

"You need to stop being ridiculous. This isn't like you! What has made you so disagreeable? Isabella, you just come back home with me!" Edward was pulling his pretty hair in frustration. He probably should stop. The man's going to be bald before he hits his forties.

Alice approached and asked Jasper softly, "Can we talk outside? Without Bella hovering over you?"

My face turned even redder, she thought I was hovering? Jasper looked at me and my fuming face and quickly said to Alice, "I don't think that would be appropriate, Alice. I'm here with Bella. We actually need to leave."

"She isn't going anywhere with you, Whitlock!" Edward yelled. He was really making a scene. I really hoped that Jasper's pal, John would kick him out. In a very flamboyant way that would embarrass Edward thoroughly. That would elevate my night, yes indeed.

Alice looked at Edward and clapped her hands together. Her clap was happy, but her face had morphed into pure rage. "I have an idea! We should all head to a coffee shop and talk. Work this thing out between all of us. We can explain how Jasper and Bella are being inconsiderate and childish trying to make us jealous. They can explain why they have a pathetic need to disappoint us. Then Jasper can come home with me and Edward can drag Bella back to their house."

"It's my house, you delusional bit..." I began.

Creepy James simpered at Alice, "Ali, my heart, what are you talking about? I just want to soak in the tub at the hotel. I got the honeymoon suite at The Hilton!"

"Go sit and wait, James." Alice pointed to a chair in the corner. She ran her hand down Jasper's chest and he closed his eyes and sighed. Her eyes started to water. "Come with me, Jazzy."

Jasper pulled away with an anguished look in his eyes. "Your tears are lies, Alice. You play me like a violin, over and over again. I am so tired. Could you just go back to Esme and Carlisle's?"

I knew Jasper still loved her. It was always Jasper and Alice together. They completed each other sentences, they would accidentally wear the same colors to school and they would stare into each other eyes for minutes at a time. If Edward was Alice's twin in body, then Jasper was Alice's twin in their souls. When Edward destroyed our love I was devastated, but it made sense because in my heart I knew I was less than him in so many ways. But with Jasper and Alice, they were equals in beauty and creativity. The split between the duo wasn't right, unnatural even. I could see in his face as he looked at Alice, at he was still at a loss concerning their demise.

I was sad. Did we not even have a chance? Jasper gave me a small smile. He mouthed, "Let's go."

I waved at Charlotte and Rosalie to give them the sign that Jasper and I were leaving, I turned to leave with him, when Edward rushed to block me. "You can't leave me, Isabella. You love me."

"Go find your slutty girlfriends, Edward. I don't love you, just like you don't love me," I lied. God help me, because a part of me still did love him. "I can't be here anymore."

"Where are you going? Let me come with you!" He pleaded.

Those green eyes bore into me and I wanted to melt into them, but I knew it would destroy me again. I needed him to leave, so I did the only thing I could imagine could shock him into leaving me alone. I moved into him slowly, my mouth hovering closely to his. "I really don't think you want to come with me right now, Edward. You see, Jasper and I are going to be having sex. I have a wonderful feeling it is going to be amazing. Knowing Jasper and his creative spirit, I bet it could take place anywhere. Jasper licking me against a wall, taking me behind up against a counter or letting me ride him in a bathtub. The possibilities are endless, Edward. What I do know for a fact is I won't be lying flat as a board and letting my husband plow into me, as he stares at the wall. I definitely won't be pretending to scream out cries of ecstasy, as I am crying inside. That's what it was like with you. Have a great night now, asshole."

I finished my monologue by tapping his cheek and I stared into his pained eyes. It felt good to hurt him. The joy I felt as I revealed in his pain, quickly soured, when I realized what he made me become. At that moment, I became Edward.


	18. Chapter 18

**AN: Here you go! If your under 18, find a rated T to read.**

**Also, please feel free to visit the Staceleo Stories Facebook page and say, "Hi!"**

**Please review, because…I might have some more to post (Part 2) later this afternoon.**

**Thanks for reading!**

Chapter 18: The One Where Bella Got Her Groove Back

The car ride from the gallery was painfully quiet. Jasper had to be furious. He had to be furious at the night, furious at the situation, furious at his ex-wife and my ex-husband, but mostly furious at me and my huge mouth. I had never been one to hold my tongue and tonight was no different as I verbally vomited over everyone.

I watched my reflection in the glass of the window. I still saw the sad woman who let her childhood love drive her to acts of desperation. Instead, of crushing my wants and turning into Edward's Stepford Wife, I decided to push and wound him with my anger. It was as if my mind had warped into some vengeful creature bent on playing all of those fears. It did surprise me that after doing this, I wasn't concerned about Edward's feelings on my words, but Jasper's. I was worried that I had embarrassed him. Even worse, if he had changed his feelings for Alice, did I ruin his chances to return to her? The way he looked at his former love made this concern forefront in my mind. Alice was no longer any friend of mine, but I cared for Jasper. If he wanted her, I would support him no matter how much it hurt.

I was pondering these thoughts as the car stopped in front of a building. I looked up to see the sign of a hotel before us. I inquired, "I thought we were staying with Charlotte and Peter?"

"Change of plans," he stated shortly. Jasper hopped out of the car and went to my side of the vehicle and helped me out of the car. "I'll grab the bags. Have a seat in the lobby and wait for me."

This was an uncomfortable turn of events. I took a seat in a cushy chair and watched as Jasper stood at the front of the reservation desk, his face tight. He made no attempt to return the flirtatious smiles of the woman typing his information into the computer. He was pissed. We would have been better off returning to Forks in uncomfortable silence. At least then after a couple of hours, I would be home and crying in my comfortable bed. The idea of a whole night of awkward silence and uncomfortable staring made my stomach turn.

"Let's head up." Jasper's voice rang out, his hand held to help me up. I was surprised when he didn't release it, instead holding it tightly. My hand remained clasped in his, as we rode up the elevator and walked to the room. He released me as we entered and he turned his back to me to close the doors.

My eyes bore into his back, not even looking at the room we just entered. I really didn't care about the surroundings, because it was just a stopping point of two people who really were never able to begin anything in the first place. They might have just as well decorated the room with giant stop signs. It would be fitting for this night. I started twisting my hands in worry.

Jasper's back was still turned as he faced the door. "Did you say those things, because you want him back?"

I replied with a question, "Did you stare at her like that, because you wanted to hold her in your arms?"

He turned and walked over to me slowly. "Are we playing a game here, pretty? I need to know before we get in way too deep."

"You didn't answer my question, Jasper."

"The same could be said of you."

I sighed and closed my eyes. "I was angry, Jasper, okay? Edward has an uncanny way of ruining things. Here I am finally feeling a little better about myself and he comes back and reminds me the truth. I will never be worth anything without him. Isabella Swan is nothing without Edward Cullen's divine grace and beauty shining down on her. It's been like that since high school, Jasper. You've witnessed it firsthand! So maybe, just maybe, I wanted to take him down a few pegs. Make him feel a little bit of what he so ungraciously dishes out!"

"Bella...I..."

"No, Jasper, I don't want to hear anything about how I should think higher of myself. It was hard living in the shadow of the glorious threesome that you, Alice and Edward created our senior year. I was just that quiet thing that followed you all around like a puppy. It was a shock that Edward wanted me in the first place, not to mention the fact that we got married."

Jasper grabbed my waist and pushed me into a wall. "Little girl, you have never seen how wonderful you are! You glow from the inside out. Alice could never handle how truly beautiful you have always been. I can remember her constantly trying to downplay your amazing attributes. Edward's problem has always been that he has wanted you too much. That you were always better than him, baby. The only way he could keep you from leaving him for someone better is to make you feel less. The only reason he left in the first place is that he had to know that when those news bigwigs saw his incredible wife that he would be forgotten about as they fawned all over you! The last thing Edward can handle is being second best; even to the woman he loved."

"That's bullshit," I felt my face twist in anger. My hands twisted up to grab the front of his shirt.

"Oh Pretty, it's absolutely not. I can also tell you this with no uncertainty. I fell in love with you the day you sat next to me in English class. I remember being captivated by that shy smile of yours and those pools of chocolate you have as eyes. Then Edward had to show up and sit on the other side of you and completely capture your attention. I began to hate him that day."

"What about Alice?" I asked, trying not to be distracted the way his hands rubbed against my hips. I felt them move to the tie of my dress and slowly start to untie it.

Jasper pulled the dress open, his fingers moving to my bare skin, his eyes taking in every piece of my almost bare body. He leaned down to suck gently on my neck. I let out a moan. He looked up and is hands unhooked my bra, as his fingers caressed my nipples. "Darlin', I needed a distraction from wanting the beautiful brown eyed girl I couldn't have. It's always been you, Bella, it's always been you."

I ripped his shirt open with a passion I hadn't felt in years. Buttons flew out in every direction. Jasper gave a husky gasp, as I murmured in to his chest, "Make me feel again, handsome man."

I took my hand and grasped his curls, pulling his head to mine and attacked his lips. I was ready to feel ecstasy again.


	19. Chapter 19

**AN: Yesterday ended up being a bad day, so I am bringing you this chapter this morning. This is still a Bella story. Will it change to a Bella/Jasper story? Who knows, that is still to be determined. What? You wanted me to ruin what surprises I have up my sleeves? Silly readers. :0)**

**Do you like lemonade? Here you go…**

**Please be kind. I am going to hide now. I hope you like it.**

Chapter 19: Southern Boys Bring Happy Endings

Our clothes flew like they were caught in a windstorm throughout the room. Our bare skin pressed together as if they were attached by the strongest adhesive.

Jasper let out a groan. He clutched my buttocks and my legs wrapped around his hips. "I have never seen anything as beautiful as you."

I smiled into his neck as he carried me over to the bed. As he laid me down onto it, his body pressed into mine it felt as all my nerve endings were on fire. The sweat on our bodies mixed together and becoming one as we connected.

I raked my nails down his naked back and Jasper hissed and nipped at my collarbone. I felt him pinch my breasts, before his head drifted to latch onto them. His hot mouth sucked, while his tongue teased sensitive nipples. My head was floating at this long forgotten sensation.

I dragged my arms to pull him closer and closer, wanting to rub my aching body over his. He returned with his long fingers entering my sensitive folds, pushing and pulling making me scream with an abandon I did not know I possessed.

I needed to touch a part of him that was so long, so hard and so intimidating. I grabbed onto him and he let out a cry, "Oh angel!"

My body awakened from a long slumber, as I rubbed and caressed him. He returned the favor as we touched each other in unison, while our tongues danced roughly in each other's mouths.

After several minutes, or was it hours, Jasper pulled away looking deep into my eyes and asked, "Could I please..."

"I have waited for you so long, I only didn't know it," I answered and he plunged into me.

My body was filled by him, not only physically, but emotionally. How did I not know his real feeling for me all this time? Did I mask my own towards him? Jasper's body inside of mine made me realize a completeness that I was missing. With each push into me, I felt my heart fill with newly realized feelings. When he flicked my sensitive clit, I not only cried out in pleasure, but in joy of being with this beautiful man. When Jasper finally came with me, or screams ringing out in unison, I wanted to weep. It was a bittersweet feeling that came from the realization, if Edward never came along could Jasper and I have always had this?

After the high of what came between us, my still unclothed body snuggled on his, my head resting on his chest. Jasper's fingers ran through my hair gently. He softly said, "I have never been this happy."

I felt my heart about to burst from so much emotion as I smiled up at him, "Fancy having another go?"


	20. Chapter 20

**AN: Here you are! Maybe a couple more today. This story is going to be a roller coaster, so get ready for some twist and turns. (That's where the excitement comes from.) **

**Please review and feel free to let others know if you like it! Also, Ugly Duckling Bakery went up this weekend. Check it out. It's silly and I do love it.**

**Forks is up with the newest mini chapter starring Edward. Also, I might have something else in my crazy head that needs to be written!**

**I have a Facebook page, called Staceleo Stories. I will hopefully have new banners for the stories up soon!**

Chapter 20: Back To The Thick Of It

Jasper's fingers ran through my hair, his body angled towards me as we sat in the front seat of his car.

"I really don't want to let you out of this car. It will be like last night was the most beautiful dream of being with the most beautiful girl. If you leave now what if I wake up to see it wasn't real?"

That handsome man was making me blush. "The way I feel now is no dream, mister. You know how to wear a girl out. Plus the mess I'll be walking into from devil cat will be no joke, I should get in there."

I looked at the front of my house and sighed. I didn't want to leave Jasper either, but some time to reflect would be helpful. I had thrown myself into my relationship with Edward so many years ago, and now I was doing it again with Jasper. What is it with me that when a man pays me the least bit of positive attention, I was willing to be at his side with no thought? I had absolutely no self-preservation. My time with Edward should have taught me something.

Jasper buried his head into my neck and started to nuzzle it. I whispered, "Mr. Whitlock, I think I just said I needed to get inside."

"Just let me do this for a couple more minutes," he pleaded and started sucking on my neck. After a few seconds, Jasper looked up and asked, "Can I come over tonight."

"Well, I should do laundry..." I began, before his mouth attacked mine. I was lost in a flurry of emotions and intense when he pulled back and smirked at me. "Fine you can come see me, but you better get those pretty lips back on me right now, big boy."

Jasper gave me a beautiful and launched himself at me. I, obviously losing all sense of reason and respectability, reached for the zipper of his pants. I was interrupted from giving my neighbors an unwanted show from a knock, knock, knocking coming from the window next to me.

My father's gruff voice echoed through the vehicle, "Young lady, I think there are more appropriate places to park with your suitor. Old Widow Clark is having a heart attack across the street."

I pulled myself away from Jasper, tried to smooth my crazy hair and pushed the car door open which launched my father to the ground. "Sorry, father, but maybe you shouldn't be playing peeping tom at your daughter and her friend. Talking about peeping toms, Mrs. Clark needs to put away the binoculars I she doesn't want to see anyone be happy. She's a bitter old coot."

Jessica stood behind my father laughing hysterically.

"You have sex hair! Finally, praise Jesus, our Isabella finally got a little loving," she squealed.

My father began to sputter, as Angela appeared with her thunder face on. What in the world was she doing here? Angela shook her pointer finger at Jessica. "Don't you dare talk about Jesus and Bella being a dirty girl!"

"I really need to check on the dog. Could all of you leave? Honestly, ladies, I pay you to work and not give me a headache," I whined.

Jasper had gotten out of the car and put a hand out to dear, old dad. "Chief Swan, please let me help you up. I promise I respect your amazing daughter and..."

"Boy, I like you. I really do, but there ad something's a man never wants to imagine his baby doing. Ever." My dad ignored Jasper's hand and got up. "I can assure you, that no matter how much I think you're a nice kid, if you hurt Bella I will personally introduce you to my friend, Mr. Night Stick. Got it?"

"Yes, sir," Jasper gulped.

"Well, as I was saying, I need to check a dog. To you, Jess and Angela, I say adios. Dad, see ya. Oh and Jasper, here's a preview for tonight."

I grabbed his face and kissed him with everything I had. It was a physical demonstration my admiration of how I felt and how last night he brought me to life.

I moved my face away and gave Jasper and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. I turned away from the gawking group and gave a quick wave, as I strolled into the house.

XXXXXXXXX

It was almost 7:30.

Waiting.

The floor was vacuumed of dog hair. The shower scrubbed of mildew. The puppy passed out from an extra-long walk.

Waiting.

Beers getting frosty in a bucket full of ice. The smooth tones of John Coltrane came out of the stereo. My hands were sweaty in anticipation.

Waiting.

He's late. Thirty minutes late. Could he be hurt? It might just be something small. He might have lost his keys. Perhaps he had an unexpected phone call from his chatty mama.

Doorbell ringing and I am excited for the night to begin. It has the potential for greatness. A glimmer of happiness flooded me to my core. Someday could there be an uncomplicated love to accompany the passion?

I opened the door to see eyes of blue, but was pulled in by green instead.

"Isabella, love, we need to chat."

Edward.


	21. Chapter 21

**AN: Let's start some more angst, shall we?  
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**Reviews make me smile. Thank you!**

Chapter 21: Sometimes Pussy Knows Best

"It's not a good time to pick up your cat." I tried to shove Edward out the door. "I have plans and El Diablo has a lot of stuff to pack up. I'll have Charlie hang out here tomorrow, so you can get him and stuff."

Edward, like the pushy ass he is, came barreling back in. "I am not here for Hemingway. Did you just call our cat, 'the devil'?"

"Your cat, Edward, he's your cat. I have no cat. I only have an animal that pisses all over the furniture. Obviously, it is how he expresses his sadness for the way you abandoned him. Come back tomorrow for your furry beast." I waved my hand to dismiss him.

Edward gave me a small frown, and then had the nerve to saunter over to my couch and sit down. He patted his lap and with an eye wiggle, then demanded, "Have a seat, love."

"No, jack ass, it's time for you to mosey back to Hell where you belong. You know what, you can take El Diablo now."

"Lap, now, Isabella,"

"Really, you think that's a proper seat for me? That sounds great. You would like some pussy in that lap of yours, right?" I gave him a smile.

Edward gave a bright smile in return. "That's right my pussy needs to sit right here."

"I guess I should say, coming right up, pumpkin." I tried to give a sexy walk over to him. I might have stumbled.

Edward's face morphed into a strange mixture of happiness and triumph. I could imagine him giving himself an internal fist pump and exclaiming how much of a winner he was. I wanted to punch him in his smug face. Since assault is a big no-no for a cop's daughter, I did the next best thing. I grabbed a cranky Hemingway from under a table and plopped the snarling beast in his daddy's lap.

That mean, but fabulous animal hissed, spit and dug those demon claws into Edward's lap. It was a beautiful thing. Edward let out a scream and jumped up with a scream, "Damn it, Bella!"

I laughed until my stomach started to hurt. I chortled, "You said you wanted your pussy! I aim to please!"

I watched as Hemingway continued to hiss and attempt to scratch Edward's leg. I think I liked that cat. "I've changed my mind, Edward."

"Really?" he asked hopefully.

"Yep, I'm keeping the cat. He obviously loves his mommy."

The yelling much have woken up the baby, because my Pickles woke up and started her ear piercing barking.

Edward covered his ears. "What the hell is that?"

"My dog Pickles. She hates big meanies. You should go. Really, she will eat you." I went to her crate and tried to shush her.

"You got a dog knowing full well that I don't like dogs. Then you named it Pickles, because I hate pickles. That's very mature, Isabella."

I shrugged. "Well you got yourself a whore, knowing full well that I hate sluts. Then you had sex with her, knowing full well I hate cheaters. I would say we are even, but I find that we aren't based on the fact that you still suck more."

"I love you, Isabella."

"You're full of shit, Edward."

That's when he pulled me up from the crate and kissed me as a chorus of hisses and barks filled the air. The taste of his lips still filled me with pleasure and I fought the urge to return his forcefulness. Instead, I found a way to push my body away and slap him across the face.

"Get out of here, Edward. Jasper is on his way."

Edward gave me a funny look. "He didn't call you to cancel, baby? He's busy tonight."

"What are you talking about? He never cancelled." I felt my stomach drop to my toes. Damn Edward.

"Love, I know I went things the wrong way, but I've always loved you. I never wanted to leave you, but I did it for you! I have missed you every single day. Those other women meant and are nothing compared to you. You have always been my sunshine. Even if you don't believe me, trust this, Jasper is not good for you. He will hurt you more than I ever could. He's with someone else, baby."

He lies. He lies. He lies. My brain chanted in a steady beat. A question sprung in my mind that I already answered, but I asked to punish myself anyway. "Who is he with?"

"Alice. Would you like to see?"


	22. Chapter 22

**AN: Remember when I mentioned some twists and turns? Yep, here they are!**

**Also, check out my profile for the banner for this story and…**

**Two chapters of Forks today and a brand new story called, The Little Pink House. Check them out!**

**Also, before you get mad…you can't trust anything…Stay positive and don't get mad. (but review, because it makes me happy!)**

Chapter 22: When Things Go Barreling Downhill Really, Really Fast

I shouldn't have been sitting in Edward's pretentious, douche mobile. I shouldn't be listening to Edward's poisonous words. I, most definitely, shouldn't be sitting in front of Jasper's house starring at his car parked next to Alice's shiny, yellow Porsche. God, I hate that thing.

"We should go in and say hello. It will just be like old times. The four of us hanging out was always a blast." He gave me the infuriating smirk that made me want to kiss and punch him at the same time.

I shook my head. "I want to go home, Edward."

"It will only take a couple minutes to get this out in the open, sweetheart. Then we can go back to our house." He put his hand on my chin and pulled me near.

"It's my house. You left it to me," I whispered, hating how his games were making me weak again.

"It's mine, like you have always been mine. You have been since the day you walked into Forks High School, love, never forget that."

I felt tears start to burn at my eyes. "Why are you always hurting me? Why can't you let me have peace?"

"I will never quit you, Isabella. My love is too strong." He used his thumb to wipe at the wetness that dripped onto my face.

"You left."

"I told you that was for your benefit! I left, because I knew you couldn't be happy in New York! Betraying you was the only way for you to not give up your home to follow me." I was surprised to see his eyes tear up as well, but then again he was always a terrific actor.

"If you left for that reason then you are a coward, Edward. If you cheated for that reason then you are a monster. Don't even try to tell me that you were thinking of how much you love me you were pumping into your whore. That would be twisted and sick." I pulled away from his persistent fingers.

"I admitted I was wrong."

"You never admitted that you were an ass. Take me home, Edward!"

Instead of starting the car, Edward jumped out of the driver's seat and rushed out to my side, pulling the door open quickly. He grabbed my hands and pulled me out, his face twisted in a fury.

"You know what, Isabella Cullen, I can't even stomach that you were with Jasper!" Edward's forehead pressed into mine, hiding his angry eyes. "Before you even protest with that pretty mouth of yours, you will always be a Cullen and Jasper is all wrong for you!"

"Let me go!" I struggled to escape from his iron grip.

"Not until you see that he's the bad guy and not me! You need to open your eyes and see!" Edward pulled me to the house.

That's when I saw through the windows, Alice on top of Jasper's lap. Their mouths pressed together and hands traveling up and down.

I let out a cry and crumpled to the ground. I felt Edward's arms around me as everything faded to black.


	23. Chapter 23

**AN: Please enjoy and review.**

**You can see the banner link on my profile page for this story. Also, check out my new story, The Little Pink House. I am pretty excited about it!**

Chapter 23: Dead Men Walking

My eyes struggled to open. I could see light behind my eyelids, but i couldn't actually pry them apart. I used my hand to wipe away the crust that became as strong as Super Glue. I pushed myself up in the bed a sheet wrapped loosely around my waist. What happened last night? I was supposed to meet Jasper...

It wasn't a dream. Once again, I was stupid, stupid Bella. I trusted Jasper and he was making out with his ex-wife the night after we were intimate. Of course, I should have known not to trust getting in a car with Edward. He probably got a text from that evil twin of his. How could he possibility hurt me more? Oh yes...let's punish Bella by showing her how she will never, ever move on.

That's when I heard the snore. I saw the naked back, the shock of reddish hair and the little mole on the man's shoulder blade. Edward!

My eyes widened in shock. I jumped up with a yell, "Get out of my bed, asshole!"

Edward groaned and rolled over, placing his hands over his head with a stretch. He replied groggily, "I missed sleeping with you, baby. I forgot how comfy our bed is."

"It's my bed! You need to leave." I grabbed his shirt from the floor and threw at his head. "I have no idea what possessed you to think this would be okay."

"Isabella, you were upset by what you saw remember Alice and Jas..." he began as he slid off the bed. Naked as the day he was born.

"I really do not need the recap. Could you please get dressed! Why are you even naked?"

"You like what you see, sweetheart?"

I threw a pillow at his head. "You better thank your lucky stars; I still have my dress on!"

"I was tempted to help remove it for you, being your husband and all, but I thought you might be a bit miffed."

"We are divorced, jack ass!" I grabbed a paperback novel that sat on my bedside table and began to whack him with it. "Why won't you leave me alone?"

Edward was grinning through my attack. "Got anything harder, baby? All this is going to do is give me a paper cut."

I screamed louder and tried to hit him harder.

"I like you sassy, love. I could throw you down right here and..."

"You are a dead man, Cullen!" I wailed.

"What the hell is going on here?"

Jasper.

His face was warped by the fury that possessed him. He continued, "I think you have some explaining to do, Bella!"

"Whoa there, soldier! Let me explain this, first I kill Edward with this book and then it's your turn! I am so sick and tired of men using me! It's ridiculous!"

"Why is he naked?" Jasper asked his glare fixing on Edward.

Edward's grin brightened further. "Top of the morning to you, Jasper my boy! If you don't mind, Bella and I need to start our day. I'm taking her to breakfast."

"You certainly are not!" I pounded his head with the floppy book.

Jasper pulled me away from him. "You haven't answered the question. Why is he naked?"

"I have no idea why he does the crazy and stupid things he does. You don't get to touch me!"

"I think you need to get back to Ali, Jasper." Edward announced as he buttoned his jeans.

Jasper looked confused, so I decided to enlighten him. "I saw you with her. You were supposed to be here with me, but instead you were sucking Alice's face. Off you go, Jasper Whitlock, off you go!"

"It wasn't anything!" Jasper cried

"It was most definitely something, mister. It was bordering on those late night skin flicks on cable."

Edward laughed.

"Shut up, Edward." I pushed past them as I went down the stairs and into the living room, with the two jerks following close behind. I headed into the kitchen and busied myself by making coffee.

"You are making a nothing into something, Bella!" Jasper threw his hands up in the air. "However, that still doesn't explain why you were in bed with Edward."

"I fainted after I saw you with her!" I immediately felt embarrassed that I had done such a thing. Where was the strong woman I was starting to become? "This idiot took advantage of the situation."

Edward smirked at me. "Now love, there was no inappropriate touching. We only did some, oh so nice, cuddling. Did you realize you still talk in your sleep? There were quite a few 'Edwards' and some very loud groaning. It was illuminating."

"Why are you still here, seriously? Go home and have a celebration with your slut sister. Once again, the terrible twosome has managed to destroy people's lives. Touché, Edward, Touché! You must be so proud."

Instead, Edward sat down at the kitchen table and started thumbing through a magazine. "You remember how I take my coffee, baby?"

I was about to throw the coffee pot at Edward's head when Jasper grabbed his arm and pulled him away from the table. Jasper snarled, "The lady asked you to leave."

"She asked you to leave too. Let me enlighten you, Jasper on a little something. I am going to fight for her. After what you pulled last night, I should say a big thank you. I couldn't have done more damage if I tried." Edward pulled his arm away from Jasper.

"I think you did do something, Edward. Did you and Alice set this up? Everything seemed too convenient. Your sister pretty much attacked me!" Jasper stepped closer and started pointing his index finger in Edward's chest.

I had enough of this bullshit. I was sure their issues had nothing to do with me and everything to do with one upping each other. I said, "All I know Jasper, is you were kissing Alice back. If you didn't want the kissing to happen, you pull away and leave. Edward kissed me and I slapped the idiot."

Jasper roared and tackled Edward to the floor. He screamed at my ex-husband, "How dare you!"

"That little tiger loved it," Edward taunted. "Didn't you know Bella loves the rough foreplay?"

I had enough of this mess. I grabbed the sprayer and directed it at the men rolling on my floor before they crushed my hissing cat that was trying to scratch them. I sprayed them and the men both stopped and looked at me, with water dripping off them and onto my floor. Crap, now I had to clean up that mess.

"You both need to leave before I call Charlie. My dad wouldn't hesitate to arrest you both. Actually, he wouldn't hesitate to shoot you both, but I would like my dad to not be in prison."

Edward squeezed water from his shirt onto my floor. Maybe shooting him wasn't such a bad idea. "You need to pick one of us."

"I pick neither. I feel a need to experiment with being a lesbian. Men, like you two losers, are way overrated. I give up!" I grabbed a paper towel roll. "I need to clean this up."

"Pretty, let me help!" Jasper rushed over to me and cupped my cheek. I pulled away and, of course, Edward laughed like a hyena.

"Never call me that again. Please leave." I held back tears of anger and regret.

Jasper persisted, "I'll be back tonight."

"No you won't." I disagreed.

"Listen to Isabella, Jasper, because I will be here at my house with my wife." Edward winked at me.

"Go find a rock and crawl under it, Edward" I pointed to the kitchen door.

Both men looked at me sadly, before they started to bicker and go out the door. Jasper looked back at me and whispered, "Tonight."

I gave him the finger.

I collapsed at the kitchen table, as my irritable kitty jumped in my lap and started to nuzzle my cheek and purr. "Who would ever think you and I would become best of friends, El Diablo?"

I scratched under his ear as dialed the phone.

"Hello?"

"Jess, I need you." That's when I began to cry.


	24. Chapter 24

**AN: I have that David Bowie song in my head that goes, "Cha..Cha…Changes…" in my head and it is fitting perfectly for what's going to happen for Bella.**

**Reviews make me happy! Also, check out the new story, The Little Pink House.**

**Thank you so much for reading**!

Chapter 24: One is The Loneliest Number

"Which one do you believe?"

I listened to Jessica's question and reflected on it. Who delivered the truth and who delivered the lie. I waited for a minute to answer.

"Neither."

Jessica frowned. "I don't understand this at all. Jasper is a good guy! I saw the way he was when you came back yesterday. He was all lovey and looked at you like you walked on water. This doesn't make any sense, Bella."

"No, it really doesn't."

"You have to know that Edward and Alice planned this whole thing. The two of them are evil masterminds!" Jessica took a swig of the tequila that she brought to get me blissfully drunk.

"I know what I saw. Jasper was kissing her back! There was no doubt about it. The whole group of them sucks." I grabbed the bottle from Jess and took a large gulp. I immediately started choking.

Jessica started pounding me on the back and rammed a lime in my mouth. "Suck on that for a second. I think I have exactly what you need."

I spit out the lime and asked, "You have a machine gun? I would love to take the lot of them out in a couple shots. I can imagine a firing range."

"That wasn't what I was going with and may I point out that your violence is a bit scary. It's understandable, but still a scary sight. No, dear one, I have a date for you!"

"Are you insane? Let's reflect here on the last couple of insane days in the life of Isabella Swan. My delusional ex-husband strolls into town with his nutty sister. I have mind blowing sex with my friend who I am developing feelings for. Then to add to the insanity, my new relationship with friend is blown out of the water when I catch him with nutty sister. I wake up with the delusional ex-husband, who happens to be naked, in my bed. Then I end up shooting both the friend and ex-husband with the sink sprayer as they wrestle on my floor."

Jessica snorted and, as I glared at her, shrugged. "What? The last one was funny!"

"In summation, I should be headed to a convent and not on a date. I rest my case."

"Bella, as your friend, I am going to make you go out with someone that didn't marry into the same family as you were. His name is Garrett Walker. He is handsome and nice. He is a writer for a profession, so you two can get all giddy talking about books. I am not saying throw the guy down and ravage him, but you can at least get a coffee and make a new friend. If you do however, wish to love him fast and hard, please have details available." Jessica winked.

"You are a sick puppy."

"I'm a sick puppy with your best interest at heart. I refuse to let you wallow again, because of a man. So what do you say?"

I thought. Then I thought some more. I took a drink and thought. It was time to take a leap and find something strong inside myself to begin again. I looked at Jessica took a large breathe and said, "Let's do this."


	25. Chapter 25

**AN: I have two chapters for you today!**

**Let's see if Bella can find her mojo again!**

**New chapters of The Little Pink House and Ugly Duckling Bakery are also up today!**

**Please review! **

Chapter 25: Let's Just Ask the Girl In The Mirror

"All right, Mirror Bella, this is going to be fine. It's only coffee. What possibly bad could happen at a coffee shop? Actually, it's me were talking about. There's a ninety nine percent chance for disaster. I shouldn't go."

I stood in front of my mirror again and pretended my reflection could have answers to all my problems. Once again, my image stood there doing absolutely nothing to ease my fears. Mirror Bella sucks.

"I will go and I will have a conversation with a man that has nothing to do with Edward. This man also has nothing to do with Jasper as well. I will soldier through a cup of strong coffee and make pleasant conversation. If all goes well, I will make a new friend. I have not seen this new friend, but it is my hope that this new friend will be a normal human being. This will be unlike Edward and Jasper. I will need to get used to being around people who are not insane whore man. Now let's do this!"

I stuck a lip gloss on my mouth and headed out to my needy pets. I put food down for El Diablo and kissed Pickles on her muzzle. I grabbed my purse and headed out to door to see Jasper Whitlock as he leaned against my car. Damn.

I was trying to reconcile my angry brain with my longing heart. The man was still sex on legs and I wanted to pull those jeans off of him, but I resisted the urge. I refused to play the twisted games created by the people of my past.

"Bella, we should talk."

I stood before him, my arms crossed in anger. "I need to leave. I suggest you move from my car."

"I need to set things straight with you, Pretty." Jasper went to grasp my waist and I twisted away.

"You are going to make me late and I have plans."

"Are your plans more important than fixing what's between us?" Jasper asked looking angry.

I felt my ire rise to match his. "What's to fix, Jasper? You kissed Alice. Case closed. End of story."

"She forced herself on me, Bella. It wasn't like I could slap her like you did to Edward!"

I nodded at him in agreement. "That's very true. Yet answer me this, did you try to pull away from her?"

No answer.

I tried again. "Did you at least try to turn your head away?"

There was more uncomfortable silence.

"Did the two of you kiss more than once?"

He looked down and shuffled his feet.

"Fuck. Alright, did you spend the night with her?" My mind was chanting, please no. Please no.

Jasper stuttered, "I...I...I...I'm...I'm so sorry."

"Fuck this, Jasper! I need to leave, I'm meeting someone." I was so angry at him. I was so angry that he was making me curse like a drunken sailor. I was so angry that our friendship was destroyed. I pushed him out of the way.

"Is it Edward?" He asked as his face twisted in rage.

I gave him an incredulous look. "No, I am not seeing Edward. I do have a date. I really hope I find a prince, because I have kissed enough frogs to last me forever."

I got in the car and pulled away. I glanced back in my rear view window, to see him crumple to the ground. I didn't feel bad at all.


	26. Chapter 26

**AN: Here's another one for you! I was listening to happy, bouncy music when writing it!**

**Please review! (It's been a tough weekend, with a sick toddler. I need to smile!)**

Chapter 26: Coffee, Laughs and New Beginnings

I walked into the small coffee shop trying to calm my nerves, but also the feelings of betrayal that Jasper left me with.

I was two seconds from turning around and rushing home to a pint of strawberry ice cream and a marathon of the Jersey Housewives, when a voice called to me. "Are you Bella Swan?"

What stood before me was an extremely attractive man, whose smile lightened up my previously tortured soul. His wavy dark hair made his glacial blue eyes stand out from his tanned skin. He wore a casual outfit of cargo pants and plaid button down shirt that screamed comfort, but also accentuated his good looks. I was instantly smitten, before I even said a word, I was an idiot.

"That's me, Bella Swan. You must be Garrett," I squeaked. "I guess we should get a table."

"That sounds great. Do you like Cherry Pie?" He asked continuing to smile at me. His eyes, if I could be so lucky, seemed to be giving me appreciative looks.

"Are you referencing the Warrant song?" I asked without thinking.

Garrett began to laugh heartily. He had a brilliant laugh. We sat down and he said, "You are a funny one, Bella. I mean that in the best possible way. I was actually talking about the food."

"Well then, yes, I do like Cherry Pie. I'm not that keen on the band." I smiled at him.

Garrett began to play with his fork in a nervous gesture. "I have to agree about the band. I was into Nirvana."

"Ahh...I was Pearl Jam and Soundgarden."

"I bet you rocked the flannels, girl." Garrett grinned.

"I absolutely did, Mr. Walker. I also paired them with my hardcore combat boots. Did you also wear a beanie?" I grinned back.

We were interrupted for a moment by our waitress. She was, fantastically, actually named Flo. She sweetly took our order of pie and coffee.

When she left, we started to talk and talk some more. We shared a love of books and music. It was amazing the amount of things that we shared a common fondness for. The talking continued and the laughing was boisterous. I think I really liked him and I think he really liked me back.

Five hours later and we felt we had overstayed our welcome. We left Flo very generous tip and Garrett walked me to me car. He held out his hand. "Cell phone, please, Miss Swan."

"Whatever do you need that for, Mr. Walker?" I giggled, as I handed the gadget over.

He laughed, as well. "The ceremonial exchanging of the phone numbers, of course!"

"Of course, it is tradition, silly old me!"

Garrett handed my phone back and got a strange look on his face. "Do you like Shakespeare?"

"I do."

He smiled and again it made me shiver in happiness. "Are you a fan of the comedies?"

"They are my favorites."

"Good. How are you with plays performed outside and picnic dinners?" He tentatively took my hand.

I gave his hand a squeeze. "I am a huge fan."

"Can I pick you up Friday night for Shakespeare in the Park? The picnic dinner will be provided by Garrett Walker's Somewhat Gourmet Meals."

"Yes," I replied and was given a quick peck on the lips as Garrett's response.

I felt happy butterflies in my stomach and by the look on his face he felt them too. Even with the questionable beginning, this ended up being an amazing day.


	27. Chapter 27

**AN: It's a happy chapter alert! To motivate Bella's voice when writing this I listened to Sleeper Agent's Get Burned, Animal Kingdom's Strange Attractor Empire of the Sun's Walking on a Dream and Mondo's This Head I Hold. Then the kids and I danced. **

**Enjoy and please review! **

Chapter 27: Singing a Happy Tune in the Key of GLEE

I was dancing and humming in the aisles of the book store shelving books. Every couple of minutes, I would feel a delightful buzz in my pocket. I felt it again and I pulled out my phone with a grin.

**Message from G. Walker**

**What are your thoughts on Metallica?**

I typed back.

**Message from Swan Song**

**I don't. Is there something about a secret love of hair bands that I need to know? I thought this was settled with the Warrant discussion.**

_Buzz._

**Message from G. Walker**

**I am stuck doing a story interviewing a tattoo artist. I have all the hard rock classics being pumped into my brain. I am certain of nightmares of Alice Cooper biting off my head.**

I typed with a giggle.

**Message from Swan Song**

**Aren't you the intrepid reporter suffering for your story! They haven't started playing Metal, yet? Maybe, they'll start playing some Megadeath? You should be worried, very worried.**

_Buzz._

**Message from G. Walker**

**I just had a thought...do you want to be the Lois Lane to my Clark Kent?**

There was more giggling on my end.

**Message from Swan Song**

**You betcha, Superman! **

**Hey what are your thoughts on Tribe Called Quest?**

_Buzz._

**Message from G. Walker**

**They are lyrical geniuses, dear Bella. The song Pad & Pen is my jam.**

**Oh by the way, Wu Tang Forever!**

My smile grew even bigger. I missed having fun and easy conversations that didn't deal with divorce or cheating. Or the ones that led to fighting over heartbreak or bitterness.

**Message from Swan Song**

**I wish I could give your rap music loving self a hug right now!**

_Buzz._

**Message from G. Walker**

**I will hopefully be getting plenty of hugs from you on Friday!**

**I've got to get interviewing. It looks like the guy has finished tagging some 80 year old woman with skull and crossbones. No joke. I'll call you tonight. **

**Who am I kidding... I'll be sending you a text in about 30 minutes! **

"I see somebody with a very happy face right now. Have something to share with your wonderful and amazing friend?" Jessica tried to peer over my shoulder to read my phone.

"Don't you have some coffee to sell people, lady? There's nothing to see here."

"How's Garrett today?" Jess asks. I blush. Jess laughs. "I see that he's doing well. When are you seeing him again?"

"He's picking me up Friday night. It's going to be picnic dinner and Shakespeare in the Park." I grin again.

Jess starts helping me shelve books. "That explains all the smiling and humming of Sound of Music songs."

"I don't do that."

"You certainly do, whenever you're happy it's a medley of the Von Trapp's finest. I've missed your rendition of, My Favorite Things. You deserve to hum happy songs again."

"Jessica, have you seen...there you are, kiddo." My dad walked over and stopped quickly after looking at my face. "You're happy. Jessica, have you seen this?"

"Yes, sir isn't it grand!" Jess gave me a quick one armed hug. "She's even humming Julie Andrews's greatest hits."

"I have to thank that Jasper!" Charlie smiled, until he noticed my smile faded. Then Jessica's smile vanished. "What happened?"

I started to put more books on the shelf. "Sometimes things just don't work out."

"What did he do, Bells? Do I need my gun?"

"Yes, you certainly do! It's like target practice of the moving variety," I said forcing a smile onto my face. My dad's lips didn't even twitch into a smile. "Dad, I will be fine. Maybe, I could stomach being his friend someday. I don't know. It's complicated and sad, but what will be, will be. Plus, I have a date on Friday. Yay for me!"

Dad groaned, "Who's this jerk?"

"He's a nice guy, Chief. One of the best I've ever met. I used to date his brother, James. I'll vouch for him." Jess stood at attention and gave my dad a salute.

"In that case, I will try to keep an open mind. You really are happy, kid?"

I smiled. "I think I'm happier than I have been in a long time."

To tell the honest truth, I really was.


	28. Chapter 28

**AN: Enjoy and review!**

**(Garrett is giving me warm fuzzies in this one. I am imaging, Ian Somerhalder in the role.)**

**The newest chapter of The Little Pink House is out today. If you haven't yet, check it out! (I really love that one already!)**

Chapter 28: A Midsummer's Night Dream Date

The blanket I sat on felt soft and comfy. I tucked my legs under my skirt and looked at the trees surrounding Garrett and I that were lit with twinkling, white Christmas lights. I felt I was in a dream.

"It's magical isn't it? I feel like I am in a fairyland." I smiled at Garrett, as he unpacked a picnic basket.

"I agree wholeheartedly. I am going to sound very unmanly right now, but it's pretty fitting to have the lights in the trees." Garrett smiled at me. "It's a good thing they did it, because I was going to climb in the trees and do it myself and create some mood lighting. I probably would have fallen out of tree and broke something. I was never e best climber. It was very embarrassing during elementary school during the rope climbing days. Gym teachers are evil bullies in my opinion."

"I must agree, Mr. Walker. I broke my ankle during the mile run, because I have a tendency to trip and not actually run, and the gym teacher told me to shake it off. He was a masochist of the highest order."

"Your kidding, right?" Garrett looked aghast.

I shrugged. "Not joking at all. The man was out to destroy the clumsy out of me. What could he do though, my clumsy is too strong. It was a force that could not be conquered."

"If we were in school together, I would have challenged him to a duel with field hockey stick to protect your honor."

"You would have been the only one." I didn't want to think of Edward and how even when we were younger, he was always pushing, pushing, pushing. "I would suggest the fencing team's swords. They might make more of an impact."

"Sure it would, but then I'm clumsy too. I would probably impale myself and then I would do you no good. What kind of hero would I be then?" He began to uncork a bottle of wine.

"We make quite the pair," I said playing with the hem of my skirt.

Garrett passed me a glass of pinot grigo with an awkward bow due to being on his knees. He almost fell into my lap and I was considering welcoming that outcome. Garrett looked at me his face brightening in his trademark grin. "What did I tell you?"

"I like it. I don't feel so alone in the world with my falling and toe stubbing." I took a sip of wine. "What are you feeding me? Your date is famished."

"What are your thoughts on roast beef sandwiches?" He inquired with a nervous look.

I grabbed his hand and interlocked our fingers. It felt good. "I am a huge fan."

"Brilliant idea on my part! I even used fancy French rolls; I got at the bakery department." He looked so proud of himself. "I even got chips that are flavored with Rosemary and for dessert…"

"It better be jello with pineapple slices in it." My conversations with Garrett were always fun. It was if when we were together, the sun was always shining and the air was always lighter.

"Oh, for a beautiful woman like you, chocolate pudding cups."

"You know how to spoil a girl." I just wanted to wrap my arms around him and squeeze."

Garrett smile faded a bit. "Is this really alright? I should have taken you to a fancy dinner. You deserve fancy dinners."

"I like this dinner and I like this play. Even more, I love this whole night, so stop it."

Garrett gave me a quick and unexpected hug and then we ate and we talked. The play was wonderfully acted and we nestled up against one another, Garrett's arm wrapped around my shoulders.

After the actors finished, their merry play, a jazz quartet started to play. Garrett gave a sassy little smirk and moved to put his head in my lap. I internally did a happy dance. "Do you like comedies or the tragedies the best?"

"I think as I grow older, I find the comedies to be a necessity. Real life is tragic enough without having to watch it too. I like to laugh and I like witty dialogue Honestly, I like Taming of the Shrew the best. Romance shouldn't be too easy." I ran my fingers through his dark hair and he gave a little moan.

"What was that noise, mister?"

"Blissful happiness, lady, keep it up!" He took his fingers and ran them up and down my leg slowly. "I have to disagree with your romance viewpoint, Bella. This seems pretty damn easy."

"You haven't met my ex-husband, Edward yet. He will bring the drama, I have no doubt."

"He was the one on television, right?" Garrett asked, while continuing to stroke my leg somewhat innocently. "I guess he decided to run back home after getting fired."

"No way! Edward left out that interesting tidbit." Edward Cullen's game was up.

Garrett looked confused. "He didn't tell you?"

"No, it wouldn't have served his goals, whatever they are." Things were starting to make sense in my head. "Garrett, how did you know about Edward?"

"I have a friend who works for The New York Post; there have been plenty of rumors going around about him. The network is keeping it quiet."

"You learn something new every day." I should have known Edward didn't come back for me.

"I've learned something new, as well." Garrett pulled me down next to him on the blanket. "You're ticklish!"

Garrett's hands wandered and moved, making me erupt into giggles. I hadn't had such a freeing night in such a long time. A night without angst and drama was worth fighting for.

All of a sudden a heard a boom overhead. The sky lit up over Garrett's shoulder as he hovered over me, in colors of reds, blues, greens and whites. "Garrett, there's fireworks!"

His eyes were dark and penetrating as he said, "I can feel them."

"You can feel them?" I asked, as butterflies fluttered through my stomach.

"I can." That's when Garrett pressed his lips onto mine.

That's when I felt the fireworks, too.


	29. Chapter 29

**AN: Hi everyone! I have an important announcement…The Little Pink House was nominated for Fic of the Week at The Lemonade Stand! I was hoping some of my Daily Affirmations readers can check out The Little Pink House and then go vote for it! (I must admit, if you look at the other nominations, you have to say, "Wow!" Those are some talented writers!) The voting is at tehlemonadestand(dot)net.**

**I hope you enjoy this chapter and please review!**

Chapter 29: Windfall

I was humming at the bank, while I stood in line. What an odd feeling. I have never been happy at the bank, because honestly paying a mortgage is not a fun experience. Today, however, was a turn for the better in my relationship with financial services.

"Why good morning, Isabella dear, what can I do for you?" Mrs. Cope welcomed me with her kind smile. She had never changed, since I was young. Tight gray curls, frumpy tan cardigan sweater that's pockets probably still held the lollipops that she doled out to the children of the customers. "Isabella, why are you smiling?"

I never smiled at the bank.

"It's a beautiful day, the sun is shining and I have music in my soul. Everything is just glorious!" I did a little spastic dance move. Mrs. Cope was understandably frightened.

"Should I call your father, dear? You seem a bit out of sorts this morning."

"I am absolutely amazing! I just need to do some transactions." I grinned like the Cheshire Cat. No wonder the poor woman had concerns over my sanity.

"It's too early for a deposit. That sweet Jessica did it yesterday afternoon." Mrs. Cope thought for a moment. "Your loan payment isn't due until the end of the month."

"Right you are, but I have some deposits to make that are not related to the business." I handed her a huge stack of checks. "Please put these into my account. Then I need to have a little chat with Mr. Molina about paying off the loan for my building."

Mrs. Cope started flipping through the checks. "These are all from Edward Cullen! Does he know that you are depositing all of these?"

"Nope, but I am very sure he will find out soon enough!" I gave a high pitched giggle. Without a doubt, Mrs. Cope was going to be calling the funny farm on me. "I just found all these alimony checks lying around and thought to myself, I really need to get those in a bank. There's no time like the present, don't you think?"

"What about this one, Isabella? The sum is quite large." She held up the piece of paper that had been tormenting me for years.

I took a deep breath and smiled. "That would be blood money. Let's make sure that gets in the bank. It's paying off some bills and buying mama a new car!"

"Mama?"

"I mean me! I always wanted to use that expression and now I think I can. I think it's sassy. What do you think of a BMW sports car?"

"I don't know, dear. I drive a Buick." The poor lady looked like her head was spinning.

"I think red is my color. It wasn't before, but it is now."

Approximately one hour later, I walked out of The Forks National Bank a whole lot more financially stable. If Edward Cullen wanted to dance, then I was picking the music. I wasn't going to be played by that jerk any longer.

I skipped down the street, with a happy wiggle and dialed my phone. "Hi! My buddy, Jake and I are going on a little automobile purchasing excursion. Do you want to join in?"

It was going to be an amazing day.


	30. Chapter 30

**AN: I miss the show Twin Peaks, even though looking back I was perhaps too young to be watching it. Hmm…**

**Also, please review! I thank you! Next chapter, hopefully tomorrow!**

Chapter 30: The Land of Laura Palmer and An Angry Cullen

I wiped at the counter in the café section and sang out, "I could have danced…"

"I have no idea, Cute Stuff, but you can pick that movie tonight. With the previous decided agreement, that popcorn shall be provided and I can pick an Adam Sandler movie for the next time," Garrett announced as he sat at the counter and took a big swig of coffee. "Damn, that's a fine cup of Joe. What would make it even better if you could offer me up a nice slice of cherry pie."

"Why Agent Cooper, I will be sure to do that, as soon as I twist this cherry stem with my tongue. Unfortunately, I have no time since I am having a waking nightmare about Adam Sandler." I fluttered my eyelashes at him.

Garrett took my hand and kissed it. "Why Audrey, you do have the worst taste in movie musicals. After our Fiddler of the Roof date where you acted out the part of, I am just guessing here, The Fiddler, I might be scarred for life."

"Oh stop it, because the gum you like is going out of style. Also, it's going to be A Sound of Music, Swiss spectacular evening! I am making a cheese fondue to dip our popcorn."

"You spoil me, woman. Kiss me before I can wow you with more Sandler trivia."

I put my lips onto Garrett's, as Jacob started making gagging noises next to us.

"Bella, Sound of Music took place in Austria. I am taking back your Rodgers and Hammerstein Musical Badge." Jacob announced loudly, trying to interrupt my inappropriate make out session. "What kind of bizarre foreplay are Bella and Garrett participating in? It's making me worried about you heterosexuals."

"It's only those two and their twisted version of Twin Peaks and random movie references. It's pretty amusing, when they stop sucking faces and say stupid things instead."

It was true, because I was fairly certain that I had met my Twin Peaks loving, movie and music obsessed soul mate.

Garrett stopped the kissing and made me groan, "Sorry Sugar Pop, give me a second. Listen Jess, since you were talking about face sucking a minute ago, I beseech you to please call James."

"You beseech me? Have you hidden your jodhpurs and riding crop? Oh wait, you left your crop at Sugar Pop's, you kinky boy." Jess looked at me with a grin.

"You need to stop deflecting, Jessica. What's wrong with Garrett's brother?" I was confused by her unwillingness to pursue a new relationship. "What's up with the Sugar Pop?"

"You don't like it? Garrett asked. I nodded at him. It was a terrible nickname. "Never fear, I will come up with the most perfect pet name ever. Let's get back to Jessica and James's almost as epically wonderful romance as ours."

"I have faith in you, Writer Boy!" I kissed him quickly on the cheek.

"You two suck," Jessica exclaimed throwing a dish towel at Garrett's head.

"I think they do. A lot." Jacob was grinning from ear to ear. "If Jess doesn't want James, then send him my way!"

"James is only into the ladies. My cousin, Eric is single and would be interested in meeting you, Jake. You are definitely his type," Garrett said to a surprised, but pleased Jacob. "We can double! No, triple, because Jessica will be with James."

"I can't be! He's a businessman and I am a free spirit. We will destroy each other with our differences," Jessica protested.

Garrett shook his head at her. "James is a horrible businessman and he plays the harmonica in his spare time to channel the elderly bluesman that lives within his soul. That is pretty much a direct quote from the man himself. You two will be perfect."

I went around the counter enjoying this fun comradeship between the group. I never had this with Edward and Jasper never really fit in. It felt like a goofy family. I sat myself in Garrett's lap and said, "Mind if I join you?"

"You just made my morning, Miss Bella." He wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed me soundly.

Jessica and Jacob were laughing, but they abruptly stopped as Jake muttered, "Oh shit!"

That's when Edward's angry voice yelled, "Stop kissing my wife!"


	31. Chapter 31

**AN: Who wants some infuriating Edward? I do!**

**The Little Pink House has been posted today, too! Please check it out!**

**Reviews make me smile! Thank you for reading!**

Chapter 31: The Good Doctor

"Do I need to get a name tag that reads, Bella Swan so you can get a clue?" Bella looked at the angry Edward and pointed to her chest. "I would think that when you filled out all that pesky divorce paperwork and signed it first, that it would have made a slight impression."

"Isabella, I think I've tried to illustrate what a horrible idea..." Edward's face did that weird pinched look that always made me think he smelled something bad. He grabbed the bridge of his nose and came closer. "You need to get off that man's lap. I can't talk to you being manhandled by a stranger."

"He's not a stranger to me." I gave Garrett a kiss on the cheek and grinned at Edward. Garrett returned the favor by tickling me in the side.

Jacob stood up and moved to be between Edward and myself. "I think you need to go home, Edward."

"Please, don't tell me you still have that pathetic crush on Bella from high school, Black? She picked me then and she will pick me now."

"I don't think you need to worry about me," Jacob said giving Edward a sassy wink. I loved seeing Jake bring the sass. I wished he could send some of it the way of those jerks he grew up with. "You need to be worried about the guy whose lap Bells is perched on. You thought Jasper was a threat, well that was nothing compared to what's happening here."

Edward ignored Jacob and looked around Jake's large frame. "Isabella, come here."

"It appears he might be delusional, Bella. Do you think he might be dangerous? We should call your dad." Garrett eyed Edward warily.

"Jessica, could you send my dad a quick text to give him a heads up on the situation?"

Jessica gave me a look like I was one bus stop away from the funny farm. "Do really think your dad can figure out texting? He still has a VCR."

"Oh right, I forgot he still thinks he lives in the 1950's. Let's give him a call, but first give my old pal, Edward here a muffin and a cup of coffee. It's on the house."

"I don't need free food, Isabella. I need you to get off that jerk..." Edward began, but I really didn't feel like listening to his blabbing.

"Did you hear that, Garrett? Edward said I can get you off!" I grinned at Garrett and gave him a wink.

Garrett rubbed his hand on my leg. "My you are a cheeky little monkey today."

"You know I meant! For you to remove your body from his! This is ridiculous, Isabella! First you start messing around with Jasper and now some random guy. Where did you meet him? Have you been trolling the Internet, Isabella?"

"Don't be silly, Edward. Jessica introduced us," I informed him happily.

"I wouldn't trust Jessica's judgment on such things. She's had questionable taste since high school." Edward was scowling at Garrett who in turn observed Edward nonchalantly, as he continued to eat his bagel. I grabbed a quick bite off of it.

"Well I did like you back then, so I can reluctantly see your point. Why did you marry that asshole again, Bella?" Jessica frowned at Edward.

I shrugged, as I got off Garrett's lap. "I was taking stupid pills, obviously."

"Isabella…" Edward attempted to speak again.

"Edward…" I interrupted. "Hey, you like my new car?"

"What?" Edward looked out the window. "You bought sports car, Isabella? Why wouldn't you get something sensible like a Volvo wagon?"

"It was my choice to pick my car, Edward. Technically you did buy the car, but those checks were made out to me." I looked at him and shrugged. "It's too late now. I paid in cash. I just hate negotiating for things. It feels to much like when figured out the divorce settlement. I just told the guy at the dealership, give me a price and I'll pay it."

"Jacob kind of ruined your thunder though," Garrett pointed out nonchalantly.

"You did, Jake! Who knew your idea of foreplay was bargaining for a deal," I scolded.

Jake winked at me. "He was cute! I just wanted to chat with him a bit."

"He was married!" I exclaimed.

"You are a home wreaker, Mr. Black!" Jessica laughed.

"I was just flirting, ladies. Gee whiz, what you girls think of me!" Jacob started to pout.

Edward was getting flustered in his pompous, huffy way. "What about my money?"

"You mean Bella's money. I think that's what those alimony checks are for," Garrett corrected.

"Bella, I don't care about the money! I care about you!"

"Really, because I heard tell that you are out of a job. I would give you a loan, but I spent it."

Edward's face paled. "You spent all of the money?

"That's what I said. I spent every last penny. I paid for the car, my loans on the various parts of the store and do you know what the best thing I did…"

"No, I can't possibly guess anything you are doing lately, Isabella. You are so out of character it isn't even funny."

"I find it hilarious," Jessica disagreed.

"Thank you, Jess!" I tapped my finger on Edward's nose. I felt it odd that while I still found him attractive physically, that after experiencing the sweetness of being with Garrett, Edward's personality was shit. "Remember when we were young and you used to talk about traveling to Africa and helping the sick?"

"Yes." Edward answered quietly.

I grinned and leaned in close to his ear in a breathy whisper, "You just gave a very generous donation to Doctors Without Borders."

"I guess that's…umm…good." Edward sat down with a plop. "I guess I'll take that coffee now."

I returned to Garrett and ran my fingers through his hair. I asked, "You want to get out of here? El Diablo and Pickles want to hang out at my place."

"Can I visit my cat, Isabella?" Edward's lips curled into a smile.

"I don't care, Edward." I looked at him with a confused expression. "I guess if you like to be snarled at. It might be nice to say goodbye to him before you head back to New York."

"I'm not going back, Isabella. I just took a job at the hospital." My mouth dropped open, as Edward continued to speak with a bigger smile. "Have fun with her while it lasts, buddy. It won't take me much to be back in my wife's bed."

Garrett's face twisted up in anger. "Bella is not interested in anything to have to do with you!"

"Don't be mad at me. I'm just giving you a head's up. I'll be seeing much more of you later, baby."

Edward licked his lips at me and threw a dollar on the counter at Jessica. He got up, grabbed me away from Garrett and kissed me soundly on the lips. With a jaunty wave he quickly exited the store.

I grasped Garrett's hand knowing that Hurricane Edward was on a rampage. Oh shit.


	32. Chapter 32

**AN: Back from the beach, where I wrote this on a beach chair watching the waves roll onto the shore.**

**Enjoy and though this is lemon light, please only read if you can vote. :0)**

**Let me know what you think!**

Chapter 32: The Hills Are Alive With the Sounds of...Censored

"Do you really know all the lyrics to every song in this movie, Bella?"

I grinned at Garrett and announced with a wink, "Eat your fondue and let a lady sing!"

"I'd rather cuddle and listen to you chortle to raindrops on roses." Garrett wrapped his arms around my body and pulled me close.

"Don't forget whiskers on kittens," I said, snuggling in closer.

"What was thinking forgetting another one of your favorite things?" I felt his lips press on my forehead. He then started to twist his finger around a lock of my hair and stated, "What do you think Edward staying in town?"

"That I much prefer being in your arms and watching my favorite movie then talking about my ex. I might even let you get lucky later."

"I thought your favorite movie was Grease?" Garrett asked giving me a quizzical look.

I laughed and tweaked his nose. "It is, when it's a Monday. We should really have a Grease night with hamburgers, fries and chocolate malts."

"That would the best movie night ever!" Garrett exclaimed earning an annoyed look from me. "What?"

"I just offered sex and you were more excited with meat, French fries and chocolate."

"Sweetheart, I really am excited about the first offer, but honestly I keep expecting one of your exes to pop up unexpectedly like a creature from a bad horror movie. I find it best to temper any excitement of things I am really looking forward to. I was excited about my first middle school dance, but I might of...umm...wet my pants in front of the entire school."

"You have got to be kidding?" I asked in shock.

Garrett looked sad. "You'll never sleep with me now, never less marry me someday."

I was in love.

"That's not why I thought you were joking. I might have had an accident of the most embarrassing sort at my tenth grade dance! I was so excited about going that I had forgotten to pee! It was almost a blessing to move to Forks to get away from all the laughing in the hallways," I admitted with a shrug.

Garrett grinned and kissed my hand. "I transferred to a private school. We are quite a pair aren't we?"

I grabbed his face and kissed him roughly, putting all my passion into showing this handsome and awkward man my feelings for him. It was apparent to me that he was a catalyst that brought uncomplicated joy to my life. I could truly be myself with Garrett. There was no conforming to expectations and just complete acceptance of my silly.

I was therefore surprised when Garrett pulled away with frown. He said as he gripped my shoulders, pulling me away slightly. "I need to know that Edward, or even that Jasper fellow, isn't still in the picture. I need to be the only one in your heart, Bell."

"Edward and Jasper aren't here and I don't want them to be. I only want you, silly man, can't you see that?" I climbed onto his lap straddling his hips.

"I'm still that boy who wet his pants at the school dance. I worry." Garrett's hands came up a cupped my waist. I moved them to my breasts and kissed him deeply, my tongue darting into his mouth. He pulled away with a smile and said, "Baby, I don't want to do this here. I am little distracted by singing nuns."

Garrett lifted me up and carried me to the bedroom. My legs wrapped around his waist. He quietly laid me down onto the bed and whispered, "If we do this, Bella, then I need it to mean something. I can't see my world without you having a starring role."

"It means everything," I whispered back, my fingers lacing through his hair as he hovered over me. My lips reached up to touch his.

Then it was a flurry of touches and caresses. Our clothing on the floor intertwined like our bodies. A kiss on an earlobe, a lick on a left hip, a stroke on a back created a heat that was a delightful slow burn, which was a nice contrast to Jasper's frenzied heat and Edward's controlled dominance.

When Garrett finally entered me it was slow and reverent. Each pulse inside of me lit off a feeling of completeness that I had been missing so long. As my brown eyes met his sensitive blue I found love, simple and true.


	33. Chapter 33

**AN: It's been forever…I know…I know…I have a rotten excuse. I simply had a massive case of writer's block on how to end this story. I hope you like the final few chapters.**

**No beta on this one. My Beta Sunflower3759 is a busy lady with all my other stories. I am giving her a break.**

**Reviews are very much appreciated, but not necessary. I just hope you enjoy the story. Thank you for reading!**

Chapter 33: Meet the Parents

I cuddled into Garrett's chest and his arms tightened around my body. I felt complete for the first time in a long time.

He whispered into my ear, "Tell me I don't ever have to leave."

"I refuse to let you ever leave." I lifted my head to smile at him. "For instance, this bed is your new home."

"I might have to though," Garrett said solemnly. After a dramatic pause added, "I might have to use the bathroom."

I hit his bare shoulder with my fist. "You are such a dork."

"What? I don't have to go now, but there's always the possibility of having to go. I am not immortal. Also, you might need a human moment..."

"Where the hell did you get that. A human moment is the lamest thing I ever heard," I scoffed and tweaked his nipple.

"Hey woman, cut that out!" Garrett squealed, "Shouldn't you know it's from that Twilight flick."

"The fact that you know that line seriously worries me, handsome."

Garrett pulled me closer and kissed my head laughing, as Pickles started barking like crazy. I groaned and tried to get up. "I should get up and take her out."

"Don't go! She'll be fine."

"Then you can clean up her mess," I said with a grin.

I scrambled on top of Garrett, my lips caressing his. That's when the chaos began.

"Bella, sweetie, when did you get that puppy? It's the sweetest thing, but caging it is crushing his chakras." My daffy mother opened my bedroom and as I turned to gasp and cover myself, she continued, "What move is that? Honestly, Bella, variety is what keeps lovemaking spicy. Phil, we need to let Bella borrow our Karma Sutra!"

"What are you doing here?" I gasped as Garrett started cracking up.

My mother flopped on the end of the bed as if seeing her daughter naked on a bed with a strange man was the most natural occurrence in the world. "I've missed you, Sweetheart. I'm Renee and you are very handsome. Thank the goddess; my daughter didn't get back together with Edward. What a killjoy! You have a lovely aura."

"I'm Garrett Walker, ma'am," He shook her hand with a charming smile. "I am entranced by your daughter."

"Marry this one, Bella!" Then Renee frowned. "Better yet enter in a mystical union. That way you can always have threesomes! Phil…remember that time in New Mexico with that medicine man? The way he could bend his…"

I pulled a pillow over my head.


	34. Chapter 34

**AN: I hope you guys like it! Let me know.**

**Mistakes are all mine. Unbetaed.**

Chapter 34: Return of the Man in Black

Without a shadow do a doubt, my mother was nuisance. She was a hilarious nuisance, but one never less. It was hard to try to run with a semi profitable business with her harassing the customers and Phil going his odd yoga in the corner. Added in this spiritual quest was the plastic sword he was waving in the air.

"Sweetie, I was just telling Garrett that soy milk in Chai tea helps with stamina. That coffee he's drinking constricts his joints," Renee called out loudly as I was stocking a new order of books that came in.

I mumbled, "You better be talking about sports."

"No baby, your love making! He is such a strapping young man with all those muscles! I am just trying to help you, my darling!"

My mother had ears like a bat. Ears like a delusional and inappropriate bat.

I looked over to poor Mrs. Cope just spilled her tea all over her table. She was gaping at my mother like a fish. Jessica and Garrett had erupted into laughter. Those two were absolutely useless right now.

"Mother, remember what I taught you about inside voices?" I asked with a tight expression on my face.

"Oh Bella, you need to unwind!" She came over to me and took my hand leading me to Garrett. "Darling, take my child to the back room and ravish her. She needs sexual release!"

"Don't mind if I do," Garrett chuckled, as he took my hand.

I glared at him. "Don't you dare egg her on, Garrett Walker!"

Garrett wiggled his eyebrows in response.

"Honestly, you have your work cut out for you! She takes after her father."

My mother's words might have been some odd cosmic trigger, because at that moment my father entered the store.

"Bells, there's some weird painted van outside your place. Who would paint a van like a rainbow? Crazy freaks..." My dad stopped abruptly. "Renee? Bella Swan, why didn't you warn me?"

"Oops," I replied flippantly.

"Charlie, my dear man, your aura is so heavy! Phil, we need a cleansing over here!" Renee declared in a grandiose fashion. She twirled her rainbow tie dyed skirt in a dizzying circle.

Phil let out a little shriek and dropped to the floor in a fetal position. He was terrified of my father's mustache. It just added to the extreme oddness that was Phil.

"Jesus, Renee...you haven't changed a bit," my father grumbled. "Kid, I'll call you later. I can only take on so much crazy."

"I don't believe in that masculine concept of a male God, Charles!" Renee exclaimed. "That was always your problem. You need to start talking to the Goddess! She will tame you conflicted soul!"

My parents bickering still grated on my nerves. Garrett wrapped his arms around me and I instantly relaxed. He always knew when I needed him.

I was about to tell my parents to take it outside when sauntering in the door with his tight jeans and black button down, Jasper approached us. He scowled as he looked at Garrett whose arms had tightened around me in response.

"Sugar, we need to talk," Jasper purred, as he turned his megawatt smile on me.

"You need to leave," I stated forcibly.

Of course, my loopy mother picked that exact moment to ramp up her crazy.

"Jasper Whitlock, you are still a strapping young buck! Have you still been taking those supplements I recommended? Ginger root is a miracle!" My mother threw her arms around him and promptly squeezed his ass. "Look at this perfect bottom, Bella! Honey, if you hadn't met darling Garrett, I would have thought I would be planning a commitment ceremony for the two of you."

Garrett looked at me and whispered, "Wow, your mom really has no clue."

"No idea about anything," I started to rub his back in a comforting motion. This was more for me than for him.

"She likes my butt better, right?" He asked with a pout.

Before I could reassure him that my mother seemed to prefer him to all others, Jasper just had to chime in with a grin, "Look darlin', your momma still loves me! I can't be all bad."


	35. Chapter 35

**AN: Dun…Dun…Dun…**

**Mistakes are all me. I still hope you like and let me know your thoughts or theories!**

Chapter 35: Sherlock Holmes and the Case of the TV News Doctor

I was on the cusp of throwing a temper tantrum that ranked in the magnitude of an over tired toddler.

My mother was molesting Jasper. He was looking smug, as if my mother had any say on whom I spent my time with. My father was fingering his service pistol and eyeing Jasper like he was target practice. Jess was laughing at the craziness like a loon. Then there was Phil and his chanting in gibberish and sniffing unlit incense. It was once again an illustration how my life was on step away from an out of control debacle. Actually, it was an out of control debacle. It was any wonder that I had any customers left.

"We don't know each other, Mr. Whitlock, but Bella relied on your friendship to get her through a tough time. Thank you for that but, sir..." Garrett took a deep breath to calm himself. "You messed up, big time. My girlfriend is uncomfortable with you being here."

My mom pulled away from Jasper. "What happened exactly?"

"A simple misunderstanding took place, Mrs. Dyer," Jasper stated in a soothing tone.

My dad, red faced and trembling, grabbed Jasper by the collar. "You used my daughter and threw her away like a dirty napkin. You must not think much of my Bells if you are back with that ex-wife of yours."

My mother looked at Jasper in disbelief. "Your aura is a lie! It's the rain, Phil! It makes people lose their center. Bella should move to Florida with us. She'll be doomed here!"

We all just ignored her. Phil started chanting louder.

Garrett gently moved my dad off of Jasper. "Chief Swan, he's not worth it. Mr. Whitlock, say what you need and leave the store."

Forceful Garrett was a turn on. I bit my lip to stop myself from kissing him.

"I made a terrible mistake, sugar! I was confused and made an error of judgment, but I still care for you." Jasper tried to move closer to me, but Garrett moved in to block him.

"You aren't forgiven yet," I clutched Garrett's arm. "Maybe, someday far from now, we can be sort of friends. You hurt me, man! I'm lucky though, because I have Garrett now. He's good for me. I love him."

"You love me, angel pants!" Garrett exclaimed excitedly, which quickly turned to a frown as I shot him a look. "No go on that nickname either? Well since I love you too, I need to figure something out."

"Bella, pretty, I have such strong feelin's for ya!" Jasper looked pained. "I will respect your new relationship with this man. I still need you in my life. There is one good thing about me being back with Alice. I have information for you about Edward."

"Are you going to remarry, that big bag o'crazy?" Jess asked. She was munching on a scone and watching the scene in rapt attention. I had a feeling she was hoping for a rumble.

Jasper swallowed and looked uncomfortable. "Umm...no...She's still planning to marry that James creep. I...umm...I'm her boy toy, supposedly. She is pondering polygamy. She thinks James and I would be great brother husbands in Utah."

Jess laughed so hard, she fell off a stool.

"I have friends that have that arrangement," Mother reflected unhelpfully. "Perhaps it might be good for you, Jasper. You are easily influenced and perhaps the support of a brother husband would be beneficial."

Dad muttered, "That woman is still bat shit crazy."

I pulled Jasper away from the gawkers, followed closely by Garrett.

"Thanks for the apology, Jasper. I can't promise anything right now," I closed my eyes. The best possible end of this day was to get Garrett back to my house or his apartment and ride him like a pony or least watch a chick flick. Either one would suffice. "What is this about Edward?"

"He needs a wife," Jasper stated plainly.

"That's great for him," Garrett said expressionlessly. "I'm sure he can find the perfect girl on the Internet. I would prefer for him and you to stop sniffing around my girlfriend."

"I can't promise that, partner." Jasper said trying to turn on the charm. "Edward wants Bella to be his wife again. He needs her to get back on the news. She's the key to show him as a family man. The sooner you have a Cullen bun in that oven, the better for Edward."

My mouth dropped. Of course, that was the reason he was back.

"He's a horrible person!" Garrett held me close.

Jasper looked at me sadly. "Edward still loves you in his twisted way. He just never could be a good person for you. He still can't. He would have come back for you at some point, but he is back sooner than he planned. Edward has to cover up a bad problem quickly."

"Does Esme and Carlisle know?" I inquired, as I plopped down in a soft chair. Garrett perched himself on the arm.

"Who do you think came up with the plan?" Jasper sat across from us, his twisting hands in his lap. "He pulled something pretty awful this time."

"I told you there were rumors, Bell," Garrett said with a solemn expression. "Harry was investigating something that had the possibility to be huge."

I looked Jasper in the eye. "What did he do?"

"It was a girl. It was an under aged girl to be exact."


	36. Chapter 36

**AN: My goal is to have this story finished by Friday, Monday at the latest…**

**Here's my question, would you like outtakes with Bella ending up with the different suitors? Let me know!**

**Thank you so much for reading! (Do you like the new banner?)**

Chapter 36: Let's Get Ready to Rumble

It had been three days since Jasper announced Edward's less than savory pursuits in New York. I knew I had moved on, so I wasn't feeling sad. Instead, an oppressive rage filled me to my core.

An angry Bella doesn't wallow, like the sad pathetic one Edward left behind. Instead, I bake. I bake badly. There is no rhyme or reason for how much flour I pour in. Might I have added pepper to the chocolate chip cookies? It was entirely possible.

Jacob took a bite of a scone and gagged. Spitting it out onto a napkin, he complained, "It's so salty! Did you drag it out of the ocean?"

"You know better than to eat them, Jacob Black!" I growled, as I waved a wooden spoon at him.

"There should always be hope that you won't kill me with at least one recipe." Jacob wandered over to the pantry and grabbed a bag of chips. "Salvation! You know what we should do with these culinary disasters?"

"I have no clue. They probably should be deemed toxic waste," I stated as I sniffed some banana bread. My nose wrinkled instantly. It was rancid.

"Put them on Esme's doorstep. Let them think it's a peace offering. Can you imagine all the Cullens and Jasper fighting for the bathroom?" Jacob burst into laughter. "Vomit flying through the air!"

"You are so gross."

Jacob shrugged. "All the boys love it."

I grabbed a trash bag and threw in brownies. The bag felt like it was filled with bricks. I sighed and went to grab the burnt oatmeal raisins when the doorbell rang.

Jumping up and wiping chip crumbs off his hands, Jacob pulled on his jacket. "I'm off chickadee! I will let you and lover boy get busy. Embry is coming over for some playtime."

"It's not Garrett." I wiggled my eyebrows at him. Then I added, "My man has a key."

"You little minx always ready for a booty call," Jacob said with a deep giggle and hip checked me. He went to open door. "I bet you get so loud when he's inside..."

"My girl is a little mouse. She doesn't utter a peep, but those gorgeous, long eyelashes love to flutter," Edward stated as he leaned in the doorway clutching a bouquet of roses. "Hey love, shall we get right to business. I want to try out that bed of ours again."


	37. Chapter 37

**AN: One more for the day!**

**Let me know! Thank you for reading!**

Chapter 37: Men are from Mars and...Well Men Are From Mars

"I'm not leaving," Jacob snarled.

Edward pushed past him and grabbed me by the waist. I tried to push him off, but his grip was tight. He turned his head towards Jake. "You can watch if you want. Imagine that you are the one I'm with. To think all the time I thought you were lusting after my wife it was me you were after."

"I can say with all certainty, I was never interested in you at all. I think you look like Howdy Doody." Jacob walked towards him threateningly. "Let her go."

"I got this, Jake." I stomped on Edwards's foot making him cry out and let me go. "See! I'm a tough cookie. You go home; I'll take care of the idiot here. You might kill him and honestly I would miss your visits."

"Bella..." Jacob began.

"Honey, I got this." I kissed his cheek and led him out. I closed the door, slowly with my forehead resting against it. I first felt Edwards's hot breath on my neck and his hands rub up from my ass to my breasts.

He licked the back of my neck. "We're alone at last."

I turned slowly. Edward's fingers still on my breasts, as his long digits rubbed my nipples. My breath hitched and I let it out slowly. It would be a lie to say he wasn't triggering a response. The difference was I knew how the love I found in Garrett felt so more intense. "You need to stop touching me. I have a boyfriend."

"I don't give a shit, Isabella. Divorce papers mean nothing. You are my wife," Edward grabbed my face. "You are mine."

He pushed his mouth onto mine aggressively.

I pushed my knee hard into his groin.

"Oww! Fuck! Why did you do that?" Edward screamed. He went down.

"You think I'm your wife? Why are you even here, Edward?" I paced back and forth. "Wait...I know...you fucked a teenager."

"Who told you?" Edward looked up from his fetal position on the floor.

I smiled at him. "It was a big mouth Southerner who wants to have sex with me...again."

"I am going to kill Jasper."

I watched as Edward struggle to get up and I held my hand up to stop him from coming close. "It doesn't matter, because I won't remarry you and have your children to be a cover for you. I never want to live a life where I know that the only reason I'm there was to let you continue your misdeeds. I would always know you were still having affairs and treating me like a little doll. I have passion now. I have someone who puts me first! Why would I ever trade that in?"

"I love you!" Edward yelled back at me.

"You never did! That was why it was so fucking easy to leave me." I stopped my pacing and tried to will the tears coming down my face. "None of you ever did. I was just a stupid, quiet girl the family could mold into whatever they wanted. Plans changed and it was easy enough to throw me out with the trash."

"I love you," Edward whimpered. "I really, really love you. Jasper just thinks he knows what happened, but he doesn't. He wants you, love. He'll lie to get to you!"

"It's too late." I grabbed his arm and pulled him towards the door. I pulled it open and pushed him out. "The mouse found her roar, Edward. I'm done."

"As long as we are both in this town, I'll fight for you! Please, baby." Edward pleaded.

I sneered, "Don't get your hopes up."

I slammed the door in his face.


	38. Chapter 38

**AN: I will be posting the rest of the story today!**

**Thank you for reading!**

Chapter 38: Dreams of Bright Lights and the Big City

"You kicked him in the groin? That's my girl!"

Garrett was proud of me and I was beaming. I sat nestled in his arms on the couch. Pickles sat at our feet snoring softly, while El Diablo groomed himself in a window sill. That cat had no shame.

I felt so relaxed after telling Garrett my tale of Edward's visit. After protecting him from a pumpkin muffin that smelled oddly like fish, I admitted all that occurred. In true Garrett fashion, he just wrapped his strong arms around me and told me he loved me.

"He won't stop trying," Garrett said softly.

I rubbed his cheek slowly. "He'll get bored. Order a Russian bride over the Internet."

"He's a horrible person, but a horrible person that loves you."

"I'll pass on his amore, thank you very much." I kissed Garrett's nose. "I love you."

Garrett's face lit up for a second, but grew serious. "I have a proposition for you."

"What's going on here?"

"James wants to move here." Garrett plucked at my shirt sleeve.

I looked confused. "What? I thought he and Alice would take Jasper back with them to whatever pretentious penthouse they were living in."

"Why would he be with Alice Cullen?"

"They're engaged!" I looked at Garrett like he was crazy.

Garrett mirrored the way I was looking at him. "Why would my brother be marrying Cullen's sister?"

"Oh...you meant Jamie!" Why didn't he just say that?

"I didn't think I needed to clarify which James." Garrett laughed, as he kissed my head.

I huffed, "It's a popular name and I've had one Hell of a day. Cut me some slack."

"Given...so...umm...he was wondering if I could do him a favor," he said looking nervous."

"Spill it, Walker."

"The paper he owns a share of needs someone to be its new editor. It would really be just a stepping stone to bigger opportunities in Washington." Garrett put both of his hands on my cheeks and looked into my eyes. "He wants me to do it."

"Move to Seattle?" I started to feel dread creep into my bones.

"No." He sighed and put his forehead on mine. "New York."

"Oh God...you're going." I tried to stop tears from flooding my eyes.

Everyone leaves me.

"Sweetness, shush. Don't cry," he pleaded, as moved his arms around my body and held me tight. "There is only way I'll go."

"That is?" I sniffed, feeling like a fool. I thought I was stronger than this,

Garrett smiled sweetly. "I'll go if you'll come with me."


	39. Chapter 39

**AN: Here's another one...**

Chapter 39: Saying So Long, Farewell Is Hard to Do

"You're moving away and leaving me with Jamie," Jessica whined. She had been wandering around for days flabbergasted.

I stopped from packing up some books to give her an annoyed look. "It's only a year. Two years maximum. You'll be fine running the store with Angela."

"I'll kill her!" Jess exclaimed, throwing her body on the couch.

"I'm standing right here!" Angela complained, as she packed up the DVDs.

Jessica and Angela would be running the store for me. I would be earning an income through my business and writing in the city. It would be a lovely sabbatical to the drama my life had become.

"You are letting him move in your house, Bella!" Jessica cried out. "Jamie will just be hanging around and playing his blues harmonica making me swoon! Why would you do that to me?"

That's right...James Walker was renting my house. According to Garrett, Jamie's ultimate plan that by the time we returned he would have moved into Jessica's apartment. Good luck with that.

Jacob came out the bedroom. "She did that because you need to get laid, Jessica! Bella, can I please get rid of these horrible boots."

"No, Jake." I stated with a frown. "Jess...you need to calm down. You like him, so just chill."

Jessica just groaned on the couch, as there was a knock on the door.

I skipped over to the door and opened it to an irate looking Edward.

He grabbed my arm and demanded, "Why is Emmett taunting me about you moving?"

"Your brother has a big mouth." I smirked at him. "I think you need to get off my arm. I need to pack."

He let go of my arm and started to run it through his hair in an agitated fashion. "I just need to talk to you about this."

"Let's talk on the porch."

Jacob called out, "I'll come out there with you, Bella!"

"It's okay, Jake. It will only take a minute." I watched Edward frown at my words.

"I am praying for your eternal soul, Edward Cullen," Angela added with a glare.

I had to laugh at that one.

Pushing past him and onto the porch, I wrapped my arms around myself tightly. Looking into his green eyes that used to make me weak, I confidently admitted, "I leave for New York in two days. I am going to live there with Garrett."


	40. Chapter 40

**AN: Oh, Edward. **

Chapter 40: Big Boys Don't Cry

Edward Cullen was bawling on my front porch like a baby. If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes I wouldn't have believed it. I kind of wished I had a camera to capture the moment.

It was cruel. I know this, but truth be told, Edward had been the master of cruelty when it concerned me. I know that payback was petty, but boy did it feel amazing.

"When Emmett told me..."

"Emmett has a big mouth," I stated with a frown.

I knew it was stupid to tell Emmett and Rosalie while I was still in the state. They had always been my friends, so I wanted to give them a heads up. Of course, Emmett couldn't keep things quiet.

Edward slumped against a railing. "He was mad. I told him that he and Rosalie had gotten so fat it looked like their diet consisted of junk food and soda."

"You're an asshole." I stood across from him trying to remember why I fell for this guy in the first place. "I can see why Emmett wanted to hurt your feelings in return. I was just going to send you a letter from New York."

"I was trying to look out for their health."

I rolled my eyes at him. I seriously doubted that his concerns for their health were the first and foremost on his mind. "Your bedside manner is shit."

"When I went to New York would you have gone with me?" Edward questioned with more tears coming down his puffy face.

"Yes. I loved you. I would have followed you anywhere back then," I moved slightly closer to him, but not too close. "That was then. I don't trust you anymore. To be honest, I don't like you as a person."

"I love you...this new you is exciting." He tried to reach for me.

I stepped back to really look at him. Did he think he loved me? I believed he did, but it wasn't enough to stop his destructive lifestyle. Would I want to be with this man now? No, I wouldn't. His betrayal allowed me to become a stronger person. That person belonged to Garrett.

"This new me is in love with someone else."

He stammered, "I will wait for you. That guy has to screw up sometime, just like Jasper. If not, he has to die sometime and I will be there ready to swoop in and win you back."

"That's disturbing, Edward." I could see the desperation in his eyes. I walked over to him and kissed his cheek gently. "Good bye, Edward Cullen."

I turned around and walked back into the house. Edward just stood there weeping.


	41. Chapter 41

**AN: This is last official chapter. Thank you for reading my silly story. The epilogue is up next.  
><strong>  
>Chapter 41: A Rockefeller Christmas<p>

The bright Christmas lights in the city were thrilling. I held Garrett's hand tightly, as we looked up at the Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center.

"It's beautiful!" I exclaimed.

Garrett laughed. "You are too, sugar buns."

"Sugar buns? You have to be kidding me!" I punched him in the arm.

"I'll find the perfect one, my love." Garrett pulled me closer.

It had been a blissful couple months in the city. Garrett had found his place at the paper, rewarding and satisfying. Pickles and El Diablo were strangely content with being city pets. And me? New York made me happy. I was writing a fairy tale, a mixed up and crazy fairy tale of love lost then found. Would I ever publish it? I wasn't sure, but as I wandered the city streets soaking in the inspiration from the sights and sounds, I knew one thing. I was exactly where I was meant to be.

"Hey, Bells..." Garrett got on one knee, as the lights twinkled behind us and tourists started taking our pictures.

I stammered, "What are you doing?"

"Will you marry me?" Garrett pulled out a little black box and opened it revealing an engagement ring.

"Yes." I pulled him up and began to kiss him, as a crowd applauded around us.

I guess fairy tales happen in real life too.


	42. Epilogue

**AN: The End.**

**Thank you all for reading and reviewing. I have several other stories on my profile, so please check them out.**

Epilogue: Home Again, Home Again...Jiggedy Jig

"Look at that belly, Bella Walker!" Emmett Cullen exclaimed. He rubbed it softly. "It looks like you have a basketball in there."

"Twin basketballs to be exact, my dear man," I grinned at him.

Emmett wiggled his eyebrows. "The other twins are looking mighty fine, too."

"Ignore him," Rosalie whacked him in the head. "We are so happy for you!"

Garrett and I had returned back to Forks to attend Jessica's wedding. Her wedding to Jamie finally was happening. That girl fought hard to resist his charms, but those Walker men made it impossible to do so. I knew better than anyone. I gave my husband a wink where he was talking to my dad. Those two had become great friends. Now that we were moving back to Forks to a house with a yard for these children in my belly, my father liked Garrett even more.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to find Jasper giving me a timid smile. "Take a look at you, pretty. Motherhood suits you."

"Thank you, Jasper." I rubbed my stomach to soothe the flip flopping babies, until he gently took my hand. Jasper and I had found a way to coexist after all the drama that came between us. We weren't close friends anymore, but moving slowly to perhaps being more than associates.

Jasper had met a lovely girl named Heidi, after finally breaking things off finally with Alice. Where Alice disappeared to with that James character I had no clue. I was just happy she was no longer in Forks. Jasper seemed happy with the lack of Alice, too. I think my lack of presence in his life was looked upon differently. There were these moments, like this one, where his gaze was a little too intense and the hold of my hand is a little too tight. I removed my hand from his and said quietly, "I think Jessica needs me."

"Be safe," he said sadly.

I gave him a tiny smile and headed towards Jessica. I put my arm around her. "Are you happy? You look happy."

"We'll there's beer," she teased. "None for you, Momma."

"Guinness is amazing for breast feeding," I pointed to my breasts and wiggled my eyebrows.

Jessica wrinkled her nose. "Gross. I should warn you..."

That's when I heard his voice, bragging about his excellent surgery skills. I turned to see Edward, handsome in a suit. He was talking to a group of men, a glass of Scotch in his hand. He turned and saw me, his eyes lit up until his eyes traveled down to my stomach. He glared at it.

"What is he doing here?" I asked in shock.

Jessica frowned at him. "He's Jamie's pet project. He wants to make him into a real boy."

"Like Pinocchio?"

"Yes, because Edward knows how to lie like no one else," Jessica said with a giggle. "I am surprised his nose isn't growing right this minute."

"Good luck with that. Jamie has his work cut out for him. If Edward doesn't stop sending me roses, Garrett's going to kill him," I admitted. Roses from Edward were delivered everyday on our doorstep in the Bronx. We started donating them to a local church.

Jessica shook her head in amazement. "I hate the guy, but his tenacity is impressive."

"Please tell me he has a date?"

Jacob wrapped his free arm around me; the other arm was attached to his boyfriend, Embry. "No, little mama, Edward is dateless. I just heard Jamie chastising him about being a stalker. A Bella stalker, to be exact."

"Lovely," I said sarcastically.

Speaking of the devil.

"Isabella Cullen, dance with me." Edward stood before with his hand stretched out.

"It's Bella Walker and no thank you, Captain Delusional." I turned to get to Garrett and my dad.

Edward looked sad. "One dance, please."

"Then you'll leave me alone...forever?" I inquired. It would be worth one dance for that.

He smiled and pulled me to the dance floor. "One dance and I'll leave you alone the rest of the day."

It was a slow song. I rolled my eyes. At least my large belly would protect me from him getting too close.

"You can try to pretend to be happy around me," he pleaded. I just looked at Edward like he was crazy. "Anyway...you like the roses?"

"The sisters of The Holy Cross think they are the tops." I saw Garrett looking at us and I mouthed, "Save me."

"They were for you!" Edward exclaimed looking annoyed.

I shrugged, "Roses make me sneeze. You never learned that about me all those years we were married."

"Oh." Edward actually looked embarrassed. "So...you're moving back to be with me."

"Garrett and I want a nice town for the babies to grow up in. Of course, you're still here so I am wondering how smart this plan is."

"I thought people were lying to me about those," Edward complained looking at my stomach. "Luckily for you, I'll be an excellent step-father. Mother is so excited about babysitting."

I stopped swaying to the stupid music. "You must be nuts!"

"Isabella...I..."

I felt strong arms wrap around me. Garrett simply announced, "I am going to dance with my wife now."

"The song isn't over, yet!" Edward was getting irate.

"Goodbye, Edward," Garrett told him, as he danced me away. I saw Jacob and Jamie pull Edward off the dance floor. "I refuse to let that man upset any of my babies. That includes you."

"He's not the type to give up," I explained in exasperation.

Garrett carefully twirled me and pulled me back to him. "Neither am I. You chose me and we are in love. He needs to learn how to deal with it. I love you so much, Sugar Lips."

He pulled me closer, one hand caressing where the babies were using my bladder as a drum and kissed me passionately. That man could still make me weak in the knees.

"Oh my!" I cried happily, as he pulled away. "I really want to take you back to the motel. However, calling me Sugar Lips? You have to be as delusional as Edward to call me that!"

"Damn woman, I'll find a nickname for you yet!"

We continued to dance and kiss, knowing that a lifetime of happiness in this small little town was our future.


End file.
